Those That I Miss!

I miss these Cuckoos~ Yesterday Azie suddenly came to me on MSN and started saying that she misses me...!!! emo tau~ KISS KISS KISS KISS for all of you! and AZAM HONEY... HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY BABE~ jaga anak ya Jess <3 I love y'all!

P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care)

by John Legend <click here for video>
Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.
You know I love you when you're loving me
Sometimes it's better when it's publicly
I'm not ashamed, I don't care who sees
Us hugging & kissing our love exhibition all
We'll rendezvous out on the fire escape
I'd like to set off an alarm today
The love emergency don't make me wait
Just follow I'll lead you
I urgently need you
Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care
We just don't care
We just don't
Let's make love, let's go somewhere they might discover us
Let's get lost in lust
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.
I see you closing down the restaurant
Let's sneak and do it when your boss is gone
Everybody's leaving we'll have some fun
Or maybe it's wrong but you're turning me on.
Ooh, we'll take a visit to your Mama's house
Creep to the bedroom while your Mama's out
Maybe she'll hear it when we scream and shout
And we'll keep it rocking until she comes knocking
Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...
Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us.
Let's get lost in lust
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.
If we keep up on this fooling around
We'll be the talk of the town
I'll tell the world I'm in love any time
Let's open up the blinds 'cause we really don't mind
Ooh I don't care about the propriety
Let's break the rules and ignore society
Maybe our neighbors like to spy, it's true
So what if they watch when we do what we do
Oh, let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...
Let's make love, let's go somewhere they might discover us...

C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E

CONFIDENCE is the one thing that I am lacking. I'm always scared of doing some things, thus I'd hold back. No matter personal or non-personally, I would choose to backdown and not go on with things, because I am scared that if I proceed on, all my attempts won't be fruitful as I had imagined = disappontments, frustrations and such..
I may not be the only one thinking this way. After many downfalls, I realised that I've not been doing much to get to where I want, thus the failures. Failing is not because of not holding that victory/success. Failing is NOT TRYING. I just realised that.
And another thing I realised is that you might also need someone there who believes in your capabilities on what you CAN do, like you've never known you could. TRY HARDER. You might just get somewhere, without even noticing it. Be Strong, and if you believe that it might work out, it'll always will. Put your whole heart to it, and if you really want it, like SUPER-DUPERLY want it like BAD, that will somehow become an influence to get you to enhance your willing to work harder on it. BENAR!
Oh, but right now, I'm all talk and no action. LoL. I'm still in the process of trying to do something that I REALLY REALLY (tambah another REALLY here because 3 is a MAGIC NUMBER..lol~ Blind Melon) want to do, fighting for something I am very sure I deserve, and hopefully, with God's will, I will achieve success <3

And whatever it is that you want to do, remember to NEVER do things WITHOUT any good intentions, because.. OH COME ON~ I don't want to start with another cliche! You know what I'm trying to say here~!

Desperation

This constant desperation is leading me to the utmost of pressure. It's killing me slowly (oh that clearly means that I'm feeling the pain as though something is biting every inch of my flesh slowly) and never have I been this way before. NO, it's not because of some lame Love thingy. It is something more valuable than that. It's like pride. Ego. Most importantly, My Ego. I have been thinking lately, rather than going through a very bad situation cooly, without having to do anything about it... I should take action over the mess I have caused. True? Ultimately!!
So there, I know that I'm speaking in riddles, but really.. I'd hate to bring up this huge problem to the surface. It might burst and probably eat me alive... after that, it might possibly be eating others too! ~ that bad huh? YEP!
And so, I'm still babbling here when actually I am supposed to finish this crap I'm handling and live at peace. One at a time, or nothing at all. I'll try not to lose this time, because it sucks to become the loser all the time.
O yea, Happy Chinese New Year to all my friends celebrating the festivity~ May this year brings many luck to everyone and demolish all the fake hopes so that people can move on with their respective lives already! :P

You can do it! :D

Accepting Reality

(based on Managing Yourself, Grolier Business Library)

~being realistic is the most important thing in managing yourself, because even if you are motivated, you are only able to do it in a particular way or standard. By doing this, you should try to work out what the standard, and it would be unwise to keep on asking yourself tough questions, instead ask yourself:

• is doing it this way appropriate?
• does it have to be perfect?
• do I have to cope with this alone?
• do I have to finish this by tomorrow?

By then you can already set up your standards, and try to relax them to a reasonable point when possible.

1. Realistic Hurrying
2. Realistic Perfectionism
3. Realistic Pleasing
4. Realistic Trying
5. Realistic Coping

2009~ So Far...

hmmm... All I could say is that I'm still trying to decide whether to do this or that. Days have been moderate... sometimes there'd be rain... sometimes the sun would shine ever so brightly... it's making me indecisive these everchanging weathers. I've had my fun times with friends. I've had falls. But it's better to forget rather than to make it look worst innit? I'm so tired of screwing myself up. One thing at a time I guess. But how long would it take to fix these? Let's see if time and a lot thinking could help. :P
Today in my agenda includes: a lot of writing activities, other activities would require the outflow of money... and something physical probably *winks* hahahah! kenjar lok bunyi. oh I guess I better go find some food to makan for now.. :D
~ something happened... but I'm still caught in thoughts. erk. shite.

New Year Resolutions 2009!

ok ok.. update update..! lambat cerita this year...bagus I just type down all these that I need to do this year...

In 2009, I must:
1) cut down on my 'fun' hours
2) add on more 'studying' hours
3) go back to the old 'well-organised' me
4) workout at leat twice a week, at least an hour per day
5) save enough cash for me to go travelling the next holiday~
6) wake up from this very long sleep i've been in.... stop dreaming, and start living... I'm gona hit my 22nd year for goodness sake!
7) start looking for jobs
8) find my passion
9) learn to sew
10) stop delaying and procrastinating

ie.: Udah gik dreaming... and get serious,try to find the old you that you love so much and stop being scared and stop trying to please other people so much. Love is something you feel for yourself and others especially, but what others choose to be is not part of your responsibilty, but you must be there for them when they need you...just don't be a stupid idiot when it comes to all these sensitivity thingies. Stop bringing yourself down and stop being guilty about stuff. Confidence will be part of the key for a better future,... BUT!...let's do it with good intentions.. <3

My Heart is Beating...

...and sweats are pouring,
a rush I'm feeling,
a constant breathing...

when is the 13th of January? the anticipation is killing me.. help me God! I promise that I'll be a better person from now onwards. I'll try harder this time,... I promise :(

I am A Hopeless X-Mas Romantic!

For X-Mas,.. I really, really want... :

1. to watch Love Actually 5 times.... (mena aie..) ~ this is due to the haunting happy X-Mas songs I've been listening to... and lagu the Beatles ya... -.-
2. to go to Singapore... (I really really want to go... :( ... plus.. Torey Jenson from Pamela Wallace's Love with a Perfect Stranger ya...!!! ~encouraging me to go travel ... and.... :P )
3. to be with my besties... especially Nabs la somehow,... and AZIE! I wish suma org boleh pegi Singapore.. aie.. pahal la I really want to go hooo...
4. my little angit lepreechawns to buy me the books! ~ ingat adik2 ku yang bau,k?
5. to call or maybe just text la.. LOL (budget) all my besties on the eve (Munee, KK, DD, Mai, Thila, Zsa, Anna, Gwen, Elaine,Ezra.... (aku sik suka la nak list down tok... mun ada tertinggal nama ya... sorry babes!) all the jiwang dorky texts I'd definitely send... hehehe..
6. to HAVE FUN GILA PSYCHO FREAK! :D
7. to buy something for Ben's birthday... definitely...
8. to start thinking of New Year Resolutions..
9. to have an adventure I've never had.. heeheeheehee..
10. ok.. ok.. ada gik tok.. but I malas want to type..

~ I cannot be left with classic love songs and movies! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!! I'm so tamak...

Selimut Hati (by Dewa 19)

Aku kan menjadi malam-malammu..Kan menjadi mimpi-mimpimu
Dan selimuti hatimu..yang beku..
Aku kan menjadi bintang-bintangmu..Kan slalu menyinarimu..
Dan menghapus rasa rindumu..yang pilu..
Reff: Aku bisa untuk menjadi.. apa yang kau minta..
Untuk menjadi apa yang kau impikan
Tapi ku tak bisa menjadi dirinya.
Aku kan menjadi embun pagimu..yang kan menyejukkan jiwamu..
Dan kan membasuh hatimu..yang layu
Back to Reff.
Tinggalkan sejenak lalumu..beri s'dikit waktu..
Kepadaku..tuk meyakinkanmu...

**huhhhh..... in love ehh.... :P~

A Merry Aidil Adha to All!

Tonight, I am on my bed typing all this on.. hehe.. Tiba2 rasa happy.. apahal ka? :) I saw pictures of my friend's (Anna) and she seemed as though she's been smiling a lot! Happy dow~~~ Thus, I made a conclusion that smiling is contagious.. :D I spotted that many of my friends are full of smiles now.. and it makes me feel like I'm in a very wonderful world! Aie.. I know I'm jiwang... but best bah.. just lastnight, I was worried because I felt very emotionless... I called up a friend, and made my friend annoyed because I couldn't be emo.. hahahah! Even lagu Dewa didn't help me at all! :P But now, Anna's smiling pictures and all the happy smiles of people surrounding me contributed to all my happy thoughts... Memang sewel... :P~ Oh... :D muahhh~

Appreciation....Depreciation..

Have you ever realised that life is actually VERY beautiful? Undeniably, it is.. and most of the time people like me just don't know how to appreciate it. Terok right?
Everyday when I wake up, I'd have people who loves me surrounding me.. like my Grandma, Z, my other brothers.. my Mom.. some mornings I'd receive like texts from my besties... telling me that they love me.. best ba idup tok..but why do I still feel empty?
It's not like I'm in love or something. I'm over that! It's not like any of my problems are bigger than taik idong.. it's really not! Am I just feeling too hyper that it's taking me to that level where it actually gets me super slowww... haha! sakit this feeling dow!
Maybe I'm just running out of things to do. Or maybe I'm tired of planning, knowing most of my plans would musnah in the end.. heheh.. dramatic~ I give up very easily dah now, or memang I cepat give up.. belom apa2, plan pun sik btol, dah give up.. ok.. I think I'm like that... eheheh...
Or maybe I'm just scared to do something that I've been longing to do, because... because why? Because I malas nak hoping that it'd end up being the way it was planned? huhh.. pahal ku tok?
Eeeee... gai eh... nang boring la... hahaha... ju lah! suggest to me stuff that I can do to get over this psychotic feeling... hehehe

I forgot what I wanted to type about!

I was out this evening, playing futsal with my friends... when we were on our way back.. we were talking about something.. and I told them that I was gona write about it.. but what was it? neways... kakak did say something about being emo...apa owww???lapar eh tiba2..

Please Don't Cry

With every single tears you let out
You got me hurting deep inside
I wish I could announce it to you out loud
But you will never understand, so now I am about...

To leave

I will make sure you will not notice
I will make sure it will not be as painful
As the way you've trampled on my strength
The way you left me way behind

Please don't cry
I'm shutting my eyes
I am leaving this life
Just please don't cry
I don't understand why
I could not watch you mourn
I could not bear your wants
Just please, darling..
Please don't cry

I know right where I'm standing
Was right where we took up
Instantaneously jumping
Into something still unknown

I cannot lie
I am sure of one
That what is left of me is to ...

end.

T.T

I wana go to Singapore too.. but I have a feeling that I won't be able to... :'( So not fair.. I've been nice and all.. I guess it is true after all.. I never get what I really want.. boring idup eh... :(

You Don't See Me (Josie and the Pussycats)

This is the place where I sit
This is the part where
I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets?
'Cause I'm getting tired
Of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me
I'm empty and taken and
Tumbling and breakin'
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
I dream of worlds
Where you'd understand
And I dream a
Million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends,
Nothing but good friends?
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
This is the place in my heart
This is the place where
I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance
That I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

Click Here >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKds4xB_llo << to view the song's youtube video!

fIDIOT

yep i am. I'm totally impaired. my heart is lame. rasa macam my heart stuck jak.. hard and cold.. and stuck... almost dysfunctional.. :( WHY?!!?!?!??! oh WHY?!!?!?!?!?!?!? not blaming anyone. blaming myself. I deserve this thoroughly.

How Can I Not Love You ( Joy Enriquez)

Cannot touch, cannot hold
Cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss,
Cannot have each other
Must be strong, and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?

Cannot dream, Cannot share,
Sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel,
Must pretend it's over
Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you?

Must be brave, and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you when you are gone?

~ <3>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62DkAEB3AGc <<>

the Perfect Boyfren!

the perfect boyfren would have to:

-be sik ceridak (mesti hygienic)~ lak bau2 pisan gf nya jalan sebelah!

-pandei entertain gerek~jgn mala jak, 'kmk gi main futsal ngan kwn mek'.. like every single time bf ya tek ada free time... mun simok, pdh jak simok! lol, instead, pandei2 la bagi masa ngan geng and ngan gerek... mbak gerek hangout ngan geng skali ka kekadang..

-sik pandei nak ngamok gerek sukati~penyabar. kdg2 gf pms bukan boleh tahan ba. dah nature. after 10 minutes, mun sik half an hour, mesti gf pujok balit ba!mun gik juak merajuk...eee... sik ku betah nunggu.

-iboh jealous kuat gilak..~ bak kata Britney Spears, 'Does it really matter if they're lookin', I'm only looking at you!'.. ada sigek lagu lam album nya nombor duak lok.. time Britney gik sweet... lol

-pandei masak, ngemas..~ memang la ompuan patut tauk suma ya.. tapi best ba mun nangga laki pandei buat keja rumah gia..ney tauk if jodoh pjg, dah kawen lak, sik nyusah bini jak2!

-mbak gf buat benda yg berfaedah~ gi sembahyang jemaah sama2 ka..ajar gf main sports ka...pg jogging ka... lol! nak ka sweet gia..

-remember all the important dates! ~ ingat anniversary if gf ya insist.. sik perlu every month..setahun skali cukup.. asal ingat jak.. and bdays ya if lupak nang apa la! hahahaha.. but these kinda things could show if a guy actually cares for a girl..kan?

-jgn padah jak, but never actually mean it...~omG! tok nang part paling critical la... making me S-E nak gerek til now...lol..mala jak benda gitok happen..pdh nak pegi mbak gf fishing... and the guy actually ended up lupak...iboh la mala lupak..mun dah susah gilak, makan la gingko... kesian gf nunggu.. rasa tertipu tau.. that's y ppl say..action speaks louder than words! :D

-be a gentleman~ he'll never let the gf susah in any ways, and will always try his best to please the gf...tapi we are all human, kan? try jak la, if sik dapat pun, you did your best kan bf? :P *Mr Darcy!*

-hormat org tua~ sik kira la parents gf or nenek gf or uncle auntie. iboh suka anok family gf skati if sik knal hati budi.

-iboh la salu bulak~ mun dah kantoi kan susah? nak lalu bekelayi besar? :P Honesty is always the best policy, but laki tok nak kuat gilak bulak ba... =.= that is why there is such a book called, 'Why Men Lie, and Women Cry', nak? but i never actually get to read the book tho.. lol

-try not to bitch about gf ngan org. malu org ba, ompuan mun terkerepak ya biasa la... mulut ompuan... laki kinek tok... kuat gossip juak ba... suka bersadu sia sitok.. in the end, bersadu ngan ompuan lain... eeeeee.... geram ku mikey!

-be loyal!~ waaaaahhhh.... sangat rare laki yang loyal! if ompuan yang dapat laki gitok nang super lucky la nya! lol.. tapi ya lahh.. laki knktok..lol

-responsible~ MACHO ABIS laki yg responsible... pandei blaja, nulong parents jaga family, ada career, sik pandei nak harapkan org lain, pandei berjimat,.... WOW! pandei potong rumput gik... ding!ding!ding!~ Mr Perfect... lol...time gerek demam, worry abis, lu anta gerek ke clinic...*jealous ku if ku nangga org gia* lol

-ada byk gik actually, but kepak. nite~

Be Aggressive! B-E Aggressive!

B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! Be Aggressive! fuh.... nervous tahap dewa!!! maka exam 1 week plus gik.. ONE WEEK PLUS GIK?!!?!?!??!!? OMG!!!!!!!!!!! :'( takut...

Random: One of the questions I answered in my e-Marketing discussion board. :P

Question: The Internet has been changing society ever since its inception.Looking ahead, in what ways will it continue to shape our society's future? Not just in marketing and commerce but in all aspects of life. Will the Internet align to our values, and beliefs/morality, etc? Or will the Internet change long-held traditions, customs and values?

Answer: When I read this question, the first thing that came to mind was the festive seasons. Why ever, you might ask?

• Piture this: Some of us might be living abroad, away from our family, to pursue further education or work,.. etc., and we might not be able to be back in our hometown with the rest of the family on festive seasons like Eid Mubarak, Christmas, Gawai, Chinese New Year, Diwali and etc., due to, well there could be a lot of reasons there, but my point is, the Internet might be one of the ways for us to connect with our loved ones living faraway across the earth, and to think that it is a helpful way to do this is one thing, but depending too much on this means of telecommunication, could lead to a problem, maybe :P
• -Scenario 1: I know this might seem comical, but what if you depend too much on the technology, you actually feel that you don't have to go back, because you can still meet your family on the PC screen! Oh, dear. I know I'm being dramatic here, imagine doing this for one or two decades. That would make you seem heartless.
• -Scenario 2: You're living too far away, and you thought that your family would be safe, because you can monitor them from the technology you have, but hear this out, I read from a magazine article once, a sister found out that her sibling passed away through facebook. No, her sibling did not die because of facebook, but she found out that her sister passed away from the information she got from facebook. And where was she then?
• -Scenario 3: 'You can see me through my webcam if you miss me',try telling that to your old folks who are waiting for you, missing you and have been hoping for you to come back.

My ultimate point here is that depending too much on technology will make you quite a terrible person if it gets extreme. I do think that the Internet could drive a person to be less of a human if one could not learn to balance between all these values, beliefs, morality, traditions and customs and the everyday growing technology. Just remember not to take things for granted, technology is good, if you know how to handle it. :D

And yeah, sometimes I do think that the Internet could make people lazy, if the person does everything online. Technology was meant to help us enhance the way we live, but really, if everything is too easy to do, then what is left for us to do? ~ Just a thought there.

Before I Forgot..

• there is no such thing as HATE, no matter how many times I say it.
• life is as long as you wish to live it, so don't waste your time.
• apologies and forgiveness won't work unless if it comes straight from the heart.
• FM, ACA, e-Marketing and Macroeconomics are very hard if I don't give it my best.
• never forget to PRAY! Amin. :D

WOOPS! (bak kata PB tadik)

OK... clear your mind.. clear your mind...! :D
Pa cita ku tek? I was emo in the car and i broke down again? I'm blaming everything on myself for being such a softy. yeah, I suck! :( hahahaha! Ya lah nama nya sik bersyukur... 'cause impossible la PMS, dah lepas waktu. I've got so much to think about, so please jangan terasa sesapa unless if nama kau DYG ZEPIRAH or MUNIRAH (bukan nama sebenar...)... or PB... (woops!) LOL. Biol nyawa ku. I keep on thinking too much. Muka ku banyak pimple bah, and I'm putting on a ton!!!!! (OI, no matter how fat I am, you'll never be as good-looking as me, k?) antap da ku stress tok. LOL! And now I'm feeling guilty cos ada urang chia ku makan tek!!! :( nang sik ngenang budi ku tok owww... dah org nak chia, ngerepak juak gik... tapi yalah... i'm the type of person that can never not finish my food ba.... sayang... nangis nasik lak... sak jak sik makan nasik tek... OI! Nabeil and Isaac keeps on playing Automatic Stop jak2. Nak muntah dah tok ba!
Tetiba ku emo kat Islamic Cafe tek. I think I've not been spending enough time with my loved ones le.. Rindu Zachary. Rindu Nini. Rindu Mommy and Papa. and... etc (hahaha... malas lok)... Zachary dah pandei kiss ba. he kissed me... THRICE! :P
Tetiba ku ingat ngan Quotes2 penting nektok....
Arwah Grandpa's: Muka kedak Kuda.. the best!
Nini's: Cinta itu Pelsu... :D
and kakak kawan Munirah: Jodoh ada di mana2!

Gila eh... Ku patut blaja bah... pahal kitak org ba??? mala polah ku biol kedak tok... ngan emo indon songs ktk org ya... :( .... eh... i think i wanted to listen to that song myself tek oww... woops! lol
Senyum.... Y? lol. cos rasa nak berak. GOSH! GOSH rhymes with JOSH!!!!pahal ku random gilak tok?!??!?!?!?!

neways, can't wait for the slumber party... ingat k??? mbak DVD best2 lak... and food... :D
kissies

Quote of the Day!

"I have to deal with it. I'm being terribly selfish. I'm behaving badly, as if I'm the only person in the world who is suffering. God isn't trying to punish me. Life is a cosmic grab bag. At this moment, somewhere in the world, someone is losing a child, skiing down a mountain, having an orgasm, getting a haircut, lying on a bed of pain, singing on a stage, drowning, getting married, starving in a gutter. In the end, aren't we all that same person? An aeon is a thousand million years, and an aeon ago every atom in our bodies was a part of a star..."

(Mary Ashley, derived from Sidney Sheldon's Windmills of the Gods)

:D :D :D

I think I'm boy-crazy now... Thanks to Adie!!!! :( lol...
watch--> http://video.aol.com/video-detail/edison-chen-in-mtv-whatever-things-season3-ep2-33/1597388783/?icid=VIDURVENT02
I think Josh is the one!!!!! ahahahahah!!!!!!! huhhhh....... God, if i cannot get the guy I want, can I have Josh instead? *puppydogseyes* Yep, I'm supposed to blaja... but the sight of him makes me WEAK! :D He looks good with a mohawk... he's got such a nice head-shape!!! and he's.... he's... hilarious.... adoi... will i be seeing him in the near future? Will he ever notice plain me?? LOL!

O yeah, this'd be my X-Mas Wishlist!

1. 'Being Elizabeth Bennet', it's a book Kakak recommended to me... :D
2. 'Mrs Darcy's Dilemma', a sequel to Pride and Prejudice *winks*
3. a really nice X-Mas Date!
4. Family and Friends.. gathering!!!!!
5. a new pair of Futsal shoes...
6. dark chocolates... again?!!?!?!??
7. Watch Love Actually, Gone with the Wind, Little Women, A Little Princess, .... ada gik ka cita lain ku mok tengok...? I'll update number 7 again later... :D with my loved ONES! :)

I think that should be about it for now.... <3

Can't Wait! CAN'T WAIT!

I can't wait for the semester to be over~ I seriously can't! OK OK.. for now I'd have to:

• take a break from FACEBOOK and all means of mass distractions :P
• concentrate, focus and give my all for the preparation for this upcoming exam.
• finish all necessary tasks, and NO MORE DELAYS please..
• shut my eyes, and ears from the unnecessaries.................
• and workout! workout! workout!! ~ to ganti FACEBOOK and other stress-relievers...
• jogging kali? :D

And plans for the end-of-year break? :

• give myself a few days to recover from the exhaustion of exams... (tido for a few days!)
• freshen up -- DAMAI!
• and hangout with all the friends yang balik dari perantauan... Johor/KL/Selangor/Nilai/Australia... and those yang tinggal di Hostel UNIMAS n UITM ...itu...simok ku sebut nama... sik tersebut lak kecik ati indah ktk org!!! BLUEK~~~~hahahah!
• make up my mind whether I want to stay in Kuching, pegi KL or Miri after all that..
• main masak2!!!! this one before deciding pegi KL, Miri or Singapore itu.. I should start a list siney nak distribute makanan2 tersebut...simok ku listdown dolok... takut lupak! :D

ok la... kissies.. nak MUNDY dahulu yerr??? :D

No More Frustration Please. No More Saddening Surprises..

I hate hoping. Although my name means 'hope' in some foreign language I couldn't care much about, I seriously hate hoping. I may be a very playful person, but I am realistic. I hate it when someone lingers me with something I would want so badly, just to know that in the end, I am not going to get it. It hurts to feel that way. At times it makes me feel like I never get that thing that I really want. I know that I'd feel very selfishly dumb afterwards, but yeah... please la. It's hurtful.
Someone kinda promised me something that I know the probability of obtaining it is only 50% chance only. But when I get to think too much about it, and when people keep on bugging me over it, it'd make me want it even more, wouldn't it? :( now that I'm feeling kinda discouraged about it, I guess it's time for me to just let it go. hmpht.. bye bye hopes. I'll find something else to comfort me or divert me away from thinking about you... AH! I wish I could go! :( Why did you have to lift my prospects high? grrr.... hmpth!

I couldn't make things out. It's really hard to do in this mode. I'm awfully tired over nothing at all.. I'm looking around in the library right now, trying to restrain myself from yawning... looking at dedek, about a yard away from me... hearing the person next to me typing... and just staring at the blank white space in front of me.. o... there is a window there.. hot issues yesterday: Obama's win, people all stressing out for exams... and.... there was this other word I've been crossing upon a lot of times already... lol... forgot what it is...
I am supposed to do a posting for e-Marketing and I'd have to finish my part of Macroeconomics' term paper due tomorrow... and here I am... all blank.... :'( TIRED! mok pegi gym kejap pastok... release this unused energy that is making me slowwww.... and emoooooo.... WTF! why am i so emo!?!??!!? hmpht!

Looking forward...

OI! i'm so bored. and a bit depressed. i'm supposed to do my work (as usual..) but i'm too occupied with main-main! :( Right now, all i have in my head is.... emo indonesian songs playing over and over and over again... and Pride and Prejudice's Mr Darcy playing in my mind.. tall, quiet, misunderstood, good-looking, smart and compassionate Mr Darcy... OMG! i think i'm in love with him.. :( too bad he's nothing but a literature character... i wish i could be in love the way lizzie bennet did in the movie story... i think i'm very scared 'cos i'm on the verge of not feeling that feeling anymore... OH! takut!!! lol... yes, adeline... i feel very not normal... and very scared! :D hee hee hee.. o well, better get back to work..la la la la...so many fish there in the sea... now another song.. is playing in my head! dang!!

Strokes Singin'

"I don't want to do it your way,

I don't want to do it your way.

I don't want to give it to you, your way.

I don't want to know...

I don't want to change your mind,

I don't want to waste your time.

I just want to know you're alright.

I've got to know you're alright;

You are young, darling

For now, but not for long"

Under control. ~ Under Control, the Strokes

"So many fish there in the sea

I wanted you, you wanted me

That's just a phase, it's got to pass

I was a train moving too fast

Didn't understand what to see

Yeah, then I got a different view

It's you...no.

Wait, I'm gonna give it a break.

I'm not you friend,I never was.

I said wait, I'm gonna give it a break.

I'm not your friend,I never was."

~ Automatic Stop, the Strokes

"I want to be forgotten,

and I don't want to be reminded.

You say "please don't make this harder."

No, I won't yet.

I wanna be beside her.

She wanna be admired.

You say "please don't make this harder."

No, I won't yet. "

~ Whatever Happened, the Strokes

Thanks Isaac! :D

Depicted from July 2005 of freakoutcuzimhere

http://freakynadyadrivesyoumad.blogspot.com/2005/07/what-did-i-do-what-have-i-done.html

Let me remind about ...

... all the little things that matter:

• conserve energy supplies like water and electricity, you won't be rich forever if you ignore that.


• when you look at someone, it'd be pretty rude to stare, so try not to do too much of that, that person might get the wrong idea, and the sight of people making a big deal of such little issue is a waste of time. You should realise that you're making yourself looking like an arse.


• before you say something, make sure you know the consequences of saying it (especially when you're trying to joke around...), not everyone are as insensitive as some of us.


• try and check on every penny you've spent, how much of it was used to do beneficial things, and how much was wasted.


• be considerate, I'm not a perfect person to tell people not to be selfish (I promise that I've been an inconsiderate jerk before, but am trying to reduce all that to zero percent!), but think of this: it's just another day for you and me in paradise.. I love that song! lol


• always be ready to expect the unexpected. Good or bad, we're only human, we'd have to go through it all without having to hurt ourselves.


• remember to hold on to our faith... no matter if you're moslem, christian, buddha, hindu, etc. because no faith/religion would guide any of us to do the things that would bring us trouble in the end... even free-thinkers have faith, somehow.. right? No, darling, nothing of those freaky Charlie Manson's faith...

I'll continue with this again later... sakit...kaki...

Tonight! :D

heheh.. I scored the last goal for my team tonight! and I was so happy because I had my brothers and cousins to watch me play. I'm not good at it bah, but I scored! :D I S-C-O-R-E-D! It made me feel whole for a second~ because I didn't expect to contribute anything for the game... he he he.. even with this back ache (I control macho depan people, that is so me! :P ) and Eve accidentally tigak my leg, which was nothing actually... but rasa puas hati was there! :D I am very satisfied! I hope that I will do better for the real match this weekend!
And... <3 Like a Star <3 !! he he he..

I'm Teaching Myself to Walk in Your Shoes

I think... a lot! And today, I decided to express my thoughts about what type of a person I'd want to become.
I always mentioned before that I'd hate to become a burden to anyone, or creating chaos in lives of others. Sometimes it hurts to know that I have hurt someone without me noticing it. It hurts.

If I were to walk in my Mother's shoes... I figure that she'd be constantly nervous everyday while doing her work, in the office, and as a mother of 6. She'd be thinking about what to do next, what to do tomorrow, and hoping that she could bring better future for all of us. And then, there is her sorrow. Unspoken sorrow. It's hard being alone. It's hard trying to cope with several unwanted issues, and it'd be harder if she'd have to make people listen to her, when most of them aren't trying to listen. I listened. I'm still listening. There are times that I did not follow exactly as she said, because I'm a grown person. I realise that I have my own responsibilities towards some things. My goals, my dreams. But I'd never want to see her suffer at all. I wish I could stand up and voice out all my thoughts. I wish I could make all of my dreams come true...

If I were in my Father's shoes... I guess I would be trying hard to please everyone, if I were him. He may have issues of his own, but he'd probably keeping it to himself. He'd be trying to show everyone that life is about living it the way we want to, yet at some point, he's not living his life the way he wish he could. He has to make sure that every one of us are well taken care of, even if we're very far apart. He'd want to know what's going on, but sometimes, he's not given the chance. He doesn't want to be left out of anything that is happening to us, but sometimes things are just the way they are supposed to be. He is hoping that all of us would have a bright future, but sometimes he'd be wondering if he's doing enough. Too much to handle? I have been praying everyday that I wouldn't have to be the cause of his frustration, if there is any...

My brothers... I know that there are still so much for them to learn. There are times that they'd need to make mistakes that they never knew could affect their future. There are times that they'd need to cover their mistakes, but please understand, boys, you still have a lot for you to go through later in the future. They'd be going through hard times with relationships, friends and studies... and conflicts between all those issues... and then there would be times when they misunderstand what parents are trying to tell them, sometimes ego gets the best of them, I should know, my ego is as HUGE as a HUGE something... Whatever it is, our parents wants the best for us, so please do listen.

My friends... sometimes I might be an arse. I understand. I get confused at times, when I'm supposed to do something, and when I shouldn't be doing another.. Oh, life is terrible, because I am seriously not enough of a good person, and I'd hate to point out flaws of others, so please don't make me. I'm sensitive, I figure that my friends would be so too! I hope I'm doing the right things most of the time, because I'd never know what life is without you... 'cause I'd be this person who's been living in a box. Naive and scared of everything...

The guy I like... hehehe... I just want to like you, I'd hate to freak you. Because I assume that if you were to know that I like you, you'd freak out and run. So it's best if I stay far off from you, so that I can just admire you without having you to notice that. So what if you already know? So what if you don't like me.. or if you do so? :P I'm too young to get myself hurt over and over again... for being too serious. If it ever happens between the two of us, you're going to leave me anyway.. I think. LOL. And right now I'm making myself believe that LOVE is something that would happen if it's not childish and won't hurt feelings of any other parties. LOVE is like a vow. It's so sacred, i dare not say it to you until you and I believe that you are the one! hee hee hee...

The guy who likes me... I doubt that there is any, but I always thought that if a guy ever liked me, it'd be very... fruitless. Why you'd ask? I've given up being too adult. I'm perfectly a boring person as I am, although at times I'd be lonely I wish I do have someone to care about me. All I could say is: Thank You! :) Yeah, right now is the best time to confess that I am lonely, although I'd hate to know who likes me or not... or do I? I'm a mystery to myself, why not make people wonder?

The rest who would know me... sometimes you might think that I'm being selfish talking about myself all the time like this. I am a person, I do wish I could be notice... sometimes... not all the time. I love to Love! I'd like to smile to anyone I know, or met, but I'm very scared of crazy people, or perasan people... I wish I could help, although I know I won't be much of a help at times... I am shy, I am weak, I am only human...

For those who doesn't know me, you'd probably know me one day... or you might never get the chance to know me. Whatever it is, God wills it. Appreciate what you have, those who know you , and those you may know, and anticipate everything and make yourself a paranoid freak like me...LOL! Nah.... God Bless, and live your life as you wish! :D

xxoo
nuTt*

What you have -- Value it!

• I don't care if you're claiming that you have this and that..
• never asked if you're driving a huge sports car..
• not into knowing if you or your cousin... or your cousin's bestfriends' brother's ex's auntie-in-law is related to royalties...
• so what if you look like Brad Pitt or Angelina J.. or anyone! You can adopt as many children you want, I still don't want to bother knowing about it...
• But do you know why I'm bringing this issue up??

~OMG?!!! AM I JEALOUS OF YOU?~

Na'ah Darlin', NO you Di'en think that way! lol.. I'm just so freakin' tired of your CONSTANT BOASTS!!! So please try really really hard to shut all of it up already the next time you decide to approach me... LOL!

~ nothing personal... just a scenario that would require understanding of some people.. :D

Reasons I've Been Wishing I'm Mrs Fitzwilliam Darcy (Elizabeth Bennet)

Fitzwilliam Darcy, nuTt's HUBBY, of Pemberley (and a town house not named), 28, £10,000 a year. (Explanation of why his first name is "Fitzwilliam".)

• His description. It is mentioned that he is "tall": by Bingley, by Kitty, by Mrs. Bennet.
• His behaviour at the Meryton assembly reveals his personality.
• His famous snub of Elizabeth at the Meryton assembly. Illustration
• Mrs. Bennet: Darcy "high and conceited".
• His friendship with Bingley; contrast between his personality and Bingley's.
• Admits Jane is pretty but thinks "she smiles too much".
• He begins to be attracted to Elizabeth. Illustration
• Mrs. Bennet considers his manners less agreeable and genteel than Sir William Lucas's.
• He admits his faults of temper.
• Elizabeth discovers his defect to be "implacable resentment"; "a propensity to hate everybody"
• Lady Catherine intends Darcy to marry her daughter Anne: 1st. 2nd.
• Even Wickham admits Darcy has some good qualities....
  ...in his behaviour to his social inferiors.
  ...in his behaviour to his sister.
  ...in his behaviour to his social equals. (Hmm... Maybe you should begin to see a pattern here, Elizabeth?)
• The Netherfield Ball: Elizabeth tells Darcy he is of "an unsocial taciturn disposition".
• The Netherfield Ball: Elizabeth attempts to "illustrate" Darcy's character
• The Netherfield Ball: Jane to Elizabeth: Bingley "will vouch for the good conduct, the probity and honour" of Darcy.
• Everybody in the Meryton neighbourhood is "pleased to think how much they had always disliked Mr. Darcy before they had known any thing of" Wickham's accusations against him; Darcy is "condemned as the worst of men".
• Elizabeth thinks that "that abominable Mr. Darcy's" former bad treatment and impoverishment of Wickham is the main reason why she cannot consider marrying Wickham.
• Elizabeth sees a resemblance between Darcy and his aunt, Lady Catherine.
• Lady Catherine speaks of him "in terms of the highest admiration".
• He is "a little ashamed of" Lady Catherine's "ill breeding".
• "I am ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers"; "I have not the talent of conversing easily with those I have never seen before."
• Elizabeth discerns no signs of any love by Darcy for Anne de Bourgh.
• Charlotte suspects Darcy is in love with Elizabeth.
• Darcy silent and dull; Charlotte doubts he is in love with Elizabeth.
• Darcy several times encounters and walks with Elizabeth in Rosings Park.
• Elizabeth thinks Darcy is hinting that Colonel Fitzwilliam will probably propose to her.
• Elizabeth thinks that Darcy objected to the "ungentlemanly" occupations of her and Jane's uncles, when he separated Jane and Bingley.
• The infamous proposal -- He frankly confesses how his love for her has overcome his sense that a marriage to her would be degrading because of her inferior family.
• He is surprised and angry at her rejection of his proposal.
• Darcy refuses to disguise his mixed feelings with flattery even in making a marriage proposal.
• Elizabeth tells him his present manner is ungentlemanlike, and that his manners have made a negative impression on her from the beginning of their acquaintance. Darcy's letter: He is already making excuses for Elizabeth's believing Wickham.
• Elizabeth realizes that she doesn't objectively know much in Darcy's disfavor except for his "proud manner" (leaving aside his separating Bingley and Jane).
• Elizabeth thinks that if she had married Darcy, he wouldn't allow her to invite the Gardiners to Pemberley, because of Mr. Gardiner's "ungentlemanly" occupation.
• Darcy's housekeeper's praise of him surprises Elizabeth.
• Encounter at Pemberley: Elizabeth has "never in her life she seen his manners so little dignified", and he has "never spoken with such gentleness".
  described by Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner; "But to be sure, the good lady who shewed us the house did give him a most flaming character!".
• Elizabeth is doubtful as to Darcy's feelings when witnessing his altered and improved behaviour at Pemberley
• The Darcys' call at Lambton: Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner have no doubt that Darcy does love her: 1st. 2nd.
• The Darcys' call at Lambton: His improvement in manners continues; Elizabeth still surprised.
• The Gardiners become "anxious to think well" of him after they think he is interested in Elizabeth.
• Elizabeth thinks that the news of Lydia's disgrace destroys "her power" with Darcy.

~ And Colin Firth does make a very saucy Mr Darcy! :D yummyy.. Just like the gentleman he is in Bridget Jones' Diary! :D

RESOURCE: http://www.pemberley.com/janeinfo/ppdrmtis.html#FitzwilliamDarcy

LOVE <3

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.~Sam Keen

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.~Helen Keller

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceted. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take pleasure in other peoples sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. ~ A Walk to Remember

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.~ 10 Things I Hate About You

.....

'...Time can bring you down

Time can bend your knees

Time can break your heart

Have you begging please

Begging please...'

Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton

Mari Belajar Macroeconomics

I'm so tired, I feel dumb.. maybe next time huh? Knowing that I'm going to sit for mid-term test on Tuesday makes me super stress.. mok tido eh... tido ka study...?? tido ka study????? cuba la ho... hmmm... then I'd give more details on the outcome... what the hell?? am I talking to myself now? erkk..

More to It, My Dear.

Dengarkan ini,
There are more to it than what you see
Sebenarnya ia lebih dari hasrat hati
You will never know what had happened
Di sini ku menyatakan sepenuh harapan
Breaks me to see all these happening
Seperti tiada petunjuk dari ilahi
Tonight, it's time to make it all clear

Hidup penuh dengan pancaroba
There is no such thing as an easier way out
Apabila kita perlu memberi sepenuh usaha
And we gave up
Di situ hilangnya segalanya

I wish that its not this plain
Entah ke mana arah tujuan ku
Everything I see kills me at times
Dan ku tidak mahu melukai hati mereka
I never intended to see all that
Melalui segalanya
It slices my heart as I leave it to be.

Jangan melukai hati sesiapa
But you hurt mine.

Segalanya adalah sebahagian daripada kehidupan
This is not a love poem
Tetapi adalah sebahagian daripada hidupku.

Turn to The Right Way... Never Turn Left

I have a lot to do right now, actually. But I think I should squeeze some time to express my feelings these past few days. I'm tired of emotionally being pushed by everyone. I'm trying hard not to get into other people's line. My mind's had always been drifting to space these days, and this is the best time to STOP.
I believe in the Great Power of God. I believe that I should always try to be patient, no matter what it is that befalls me. I'm an ordinary person, typical and there are times that I'd breakdown and lose it. I feel bad sometimes. I guess that was why my past left me. I'm not trying to bring up stories from there. But it bothers me, because I don't think I've been doing much of a good improvement on myself.
There are times when I actually frightened myself with my never-ending emotional nonsense. In the end, I'd be embarassing myself and would pressure my emotions worst. Sounds very stupid right? I know. Imagine being the person that has to face all that, unintentionally.
I enjoy looking at other people being happy, especially if I have something to do with it :) . And it'd hurt badly to see someone being sad and sorry for themselves. And I promise, that I'd feel worst if it happened because of me. How can I ever make everyone happy? How could I live knowing that I've hurt feelings of people I love and care about and the feelings of people I may not know much about? I am always scared of all that. I hope that I'd never be too late to do the right things. I hope that I'd repent and focus on doing the better things in life. I'd hate to burden anyone, although I fairly know that i have been such a drag to my parents' lives... and probably to some members of my family, and friends.. sorry eh. I'll always love all of them :'( I'm so emo now, that I'm close to tears. DAMN IT! gaaahh!!!

dooped

please do not double that one!

Trouble Sleeping by Corinne Bailey Rae

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing.
Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'm never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?
Just don't say I'm falling in love
Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely
Could it be that I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?
Just don't say I'm falling in love
'cause I've been there before and it's not enough
So nobody say it
Don't even say it
I ve got my eyes shut
Won't look, oh
No, I'm not in love
Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling love
Tell me I don't seem myself good enough for something else
Just don't say I'm falling in love
Falling in love
Just don't say I'm falling in love
Oh, yeah
Falling love ooh
Oh, oh, don't say that I'm falling in love,
don't say that, oh
Just don't say that I'm falling in love, yeah
Just don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say but in the answer
'Cause I'll never give in
Oh
Falling in love
Yeah
Oh

*note to self:
- try to sleep.
- try not to think too much
- try not to be silly
- o God, this song reminds me that I need therapy!

Iron Irony

The clock is a heavy iron
ticking ever so loud.
Sometimes I have to wonder
dreaming above the clouds.
The rope for me to climb up there
is right in front of my face.
O why do I even care
I'm in a way better place.
The rain drops harder every day
I can never go out to play.
Although the Sun shines brightly then
well nobody could see the pain.
I'm standing here stationary
With my defected vocabulary.
Where do I go next?
If I refuse to climb up the clouds
And I would rather not turn left or right
Rooted like a tree with many pouts...
What should I do next?
.............
damn it. it's hard to be an adult having to make decisions like one! YECH!

We all have thoughts...

• I once thought that IMPERFECTION makes a PERSON... but DID YOU KNOW... that TOO MUCH of IMPERFECTION makes a PERSON ...... well..... LOUSY!!!
• I made an EVALUATION on PERFECTION, and HOW people perceive it, well WHAT DO YOU KNOW... PERFECTION = STRESS and EVERYBODY LOVES to PRESSURE PERFECTION..
• HAPPYNESS is based on WHAT YOU WANT! But for SOME... HAPPINESS is that feeling they GET from the SATISFACTION after they have FINISHED something TOUGH... or after a ROUGH journey... a COMPLETED task!
• It is kinda true you know.. it's NOT the END of the journey that makes it WORTH WHILE... it is the PROCESS of the JOURNEY! Honey, THAT is what you call ADVENTURE!
• PAIN and SADNESS makes up to LIFE. After a WHILE... you will LEARN that there is MORE to LIFE than YOURSELF! ...Probably AFTER THAT... you'll forget about IT all over again... ah, well.. WE ARE HUMAN AFTER ALL!!

I could fall for this easily....

http://www.allchocolate.com/recipes/enchiladas.aspx <-- click! CLICK!!!! lol

That Haunting Laugh

'Laugh la,'
Said the cow,
'It's not like I've never been laughed at before.'
Heifer was her name
Now she doesn't know that word - shame,
Travelled through the meadow
Stepping on all lilies around her
As though there's nothing left to cover..
As though there's nothing left to shelter.
Go on my dear, Heifer
Have all that you want
Don't let yourself be done
'Til you get all that you want.

Baby, What Scares Me Most.

Baby, what scares me most
Is when I couldn't say it
I could never believe in it
and I could never leave it alone.
I could never leave it alone
I just want to keep it a stone
in my chest
in my mind
Because I, my dear,
promised to have the best
decided to change and not be blind
I want to never regret
never be sad
never make myself a burden to anyone I adore.
my mind should be set
to believe in something
Concrete
nothing obsolete.
You'll know what I mean
Will you ever?
Time will tell, won't it?
I am but nothing to myself
but I've got to make this life meaningful
for I believe in ....
I don't know yet.

Sara Should Stop Eating Chocolato

Road Rage (Catatonia)

If all you've got to do today is find peace of mind
come round
You can take a piece of mine
If all you've got to do today is hesitate
come here, you can leave it late with me
You could be taking it easy on yourself
You should be making it easy on yourself
Cos you and I kow, it's all over the front page
You give me road rage
Racing through the best days
And it's you boy driving me crazy
Thinking you may be losing your mind
If all you've got to prove today is your innocence.
Calm down, you're as guilty as can be
If all you've got to lose alludes to yesterday.
Yesterday's through.
Now do anything you please
Repeat Chorus
Space age, road rage, fast lane, minimum wage
Home late, upgrade, short-changed, golden age
Front page, lose face, handmade, space ache
Backstage, outrage, disgraced, maximum weight

when u do it this time, do it right. don't cheat. no shortcuts. effort. truth. keep it steady

panjang lok title ya. haha. i'm on bed in the front room at Nini's. just chatted with cousins and a few friends tek. but i should be doing my assignments now. so i told them that i'm kinda busy.
ok, so tujuan kamek menulis blog today is because i'm scared of this person that i'm turning into. yeah, i'm happy. but probably i'm too happy.. in euphoria! sik bagus jak rasa.. i feel very insecured with myself. i dream too much. i've been playing too much.. and procratination? CUBA UDAH GIK! huh.. i want to tell this to someone, but i know that all they can come up with is: 'lek la... biasa la ya..', or 'sikda apa2 ya bah...cuba iboh think too much..' or... '..boring kau... mala jak!' yang last ya biasa nya dari munee or kakak la...i'm so fed up with my nonsense! *slap slap* dirik.. mesti bodo jak rupa ku polah dirik ku gia..erk...
eeeee... there's this really dumb feeling in the pit of my stomach!dah dgr lagu breathless and like a star over and over and over and over again..
yesterday i went out with my mom.. pegi shopping.. and i was like so in love with this baju and pants.. terus pakei.. it's always too easy for me..!!i feel guilty for not working hard for what i am getting... all these..!it is making me less human.making me feel unreal.. i want to be real. i am not sure if i am ever real. macam my life sikda effort jak. o God. help me become budak baik yang mengenang budi orang tua.. :( aduh. emo la me now.. sobs.

Look what I crossed upon.

A few days ago, I was reading through forum posts made by friends regarding how the Malaysian has adopted to the Internet usage for everyday life. I crossed upon a statement of one of a friend and he was talking about online security and privacy, and how to prevent children or youngsters to browse through sites they should not be viewing. He totally brought up the issues whereby the government had been keeping track on sites that might be political-sensitive rather than protecting children from all these...So far, I think I would rather shy away from all these political mumbo jumbo, but if these issues would push away the importance of our younger generations, then someone please.... WAKE UP, up there! These bunch of little people are the hopes of the future.. like halerrrr!!!!!! ~ don't you give me that 'whateverrrrr' sign! hmpht.. even India and China are trying to do something to block the unnecessary sites from reaching the little minds.. why won't you DO some'in?!!!
okie dokie then.. 've got chores to finish~ bubbye~

di bulan ramadhan ini...

Ingin bubur pedas.... *muka kempunan*

Not Another Beginning, I Don't Need Another Ending.

Looking at the past
Killing time and wasting breaths
Doing what I must
Putting on the a wider path
Where am I to go from here?
Where is the map to 'disappear'?
Not liking the situation and the sight
I want to let go of this pretty fright
Soon the corners on these sides
'll perform a scene and then collide
Soon the starting of the end
May begin again, I don't want it to end...

This Thing.

There is this Thing
Inside my Brain
It's torturing my heart, my sight
There is this Thing
I long to kill
I wish I have the guts for that

My lovely senses, now
Badly despaired
My ability
To actually care
There is this Thing
Inside my heart
It's nothing more than something vague

Like snakes-it curled around my neck
Like smoke, it's choking me to death
Like hope that'll never ever help
To overcome this raging stealth

So please do not disturb o Lad
For this is a sanctuary this is my bed
This pain is as though pillows to my head
This Thing is like shelter from Glad.

Love Song~Sarah Bareilles

Head under water,
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while.
The breathing gets harder, even I know that.
You made room for me but it’s too soon to see,
If I’m happy in your hands.
I’m unusually hard to hold on to.
Blank stares at blank pages.
No easy way to say this.
You mean well, but you make this hard on me.
I'm not gonna write you a love song,
'Cause you asked for it,
'Cause you need one, you see.
I'm not gonna write you a love song,
'Cause you tell me it's,
Make or breaking this.
If you’re on your way,
I'm not gonna write you to stay.
If all you have is leaving,
I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today.
Today.
I learned the hard way,
That they all say things you want to hear.
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you,
And your twisted words, your help just hurts.
You are not what I thought you were.
Hello to high and dry.
Convinced me to please you.
Made me think that I need this too.
I’m trying to let you hear me as I am.
I'm not gonna write you a love song,
'Cause you asked for it,
'Cause you need one, you see.
I'm not gonna write you a love song,
'Cause you tell me it's,
Make or breaking this.
If you’re on your way,
I'm not gonna write you to stay.
If all you have is leaving,
I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today.
Promise me you'll leave the light on,
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone.
'Cause I believe there's a way you can love me because I say,
I won't write you a love song,
'Cause you asked for it,
'Cause you need one, you see.
I'm not gonna write you a love song,
'Cause you tell me it's,
Make or breaking this.
Is that why you wanted a love song,
'Cause you asked for it,
'Cause you need one, you see.
I’m not gonna write you a love song,
'Cause you tell me it's,
Make or breaking this.
If you’re on your way,
I’m not gonna write you to stay.
If your heart is nowhere in it,
I don’t want it for a minute.
Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when I believe that there's a reason to,
Write you a love song today.
Today.

Lovely Day

LOVELY DAY
(Bill Withers / Skip Scarborough)
Bill Withers - 1978
Also recorded by: Clarence Carter; Georgie Fame; Hootie & the Blowfish; Lucio Hopper; Wilbert Longmire;Out of Eden; Shakatak; Sybil; Take 6; Vibes.

When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind
Then I look at you
And the world's all right with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day... lovely day, lovely day, lovely day ...
When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way
Then I look at you
And the world's all right with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day.....
When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way
Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day......

SOMEONE HATES ME!

Haziq says:
i hate u

Aku bukan Nadia Dahulu... MAHAHAHAHAH (ketawa raja)

'Gonna take my chance

Gonna rock and dance

Gonna hit the ground

With a brand new sound

Looking for romance...'

'Glorious Day, Weezer'

WEEZER-ing lol

My Best Friend
When everything is wrong I'll come talk to youYou make things alright when I'm feeling blueYou are such a blessing and I wont be messingwith the one thing that brings light to all of my darknessYou are my best friendand I love you, and I love youYes I doThere is no other one that can take your placeI feel happy inside when I see your faceI hope you believe meBecause I speak sincerelyand I mean it when I tell you I need youYou are my best friendand I love you, and I love youYes I doI'm here right beside youI will never leave youand I feel the pain you feel when you start cryingYou are my best friendand I love you, and I love youYes I doYou are my best friendand I love you, and I love youYes I doYes I do...Yes I do


Perfect Situation
What's the deal with my brain?Why am I so obviously insane?In a perfect situationI let love down the drain.There's the pitch, slow and straight.All I have to do is swingand I'm the hero, but I'm the zero.Hungry nights, once againNow it's getting unbelievable.'Cause I could not have it better,But I just can't get no playFrom the girls, all aroundAs they search for someone to hold onto.I just pass through...singing...Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.Singing...Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.Get your hands off the girl,Can't you see that she belongs to me?And I don't appreciate this excess company.Though I can't satisfy all the needs she hasAnd so she starts to wander...Can you blame her?singing...Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.Singing...Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.Tell me there's a logic out there.Leading me to better prepareFor the day that something really special might come.Tell me there's some hope for me.I don't wanna be lonelyFor the rest of my days on the earth.[solo]Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.Singing...Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.Singing...Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


The Damage in Your Heart
One more time I have crossed the line.Now you won’t be mine anymore.One more dream vanished up in smoke.Now I have no hope anymore.Let it go.The damage in your heartLet it go.The damage in your heartI can’t tell you how the words will make me feel.I can’t tell you how the words will make me feel.One more tear falling down your faceDoesn’t mean that much to the worldOne more loss in a losing lifeDoesn’t hurt so bad anymore.Let it go.The damage in your heartLet it go.The damage in your heartI can’t tell you how the words will make me feel.I can’t tell you how the words will make me feel.One more tear falling down your faceDoesn’t mean that much to the worldLet it go.The damage in your heartLet it go.The damage in your heartI can’t tell you how the words will make me feel.I can’t tell you how the words will make me feel.


Fall Together
We go together babyAnd if you doI'll be your weakness babyAnd get to youStream lineMain lineFall together, get upAny time you want me babyI'll be aroundThat's what they teach you babyTo dig my soundStream lineMain lineFall together, get upStream lineMain lineFall together, get upYeah, yeah, yeah


Why Bother
i know i should get next to you you've got a look that made me think you're cool but it's just sexual attraction it's nothing real so i'd better keep whackin why bother it's gonna hurt me it's gonna kill when you desert me this happened to me twice before won't happen to me anymore i've known a lotta girls before what's the harm in knowing one more? maybe we could even get together maybe you could break my heart next summer why bother it's gonna hurt me it's gonna kill when you desert me this happened to me twice before won't happen to me anymore it's a crying shame i'm all alone not with you - nor her - nor anyone won't deny me of my head crack it open and then i would share why bother it's gonna hurt me it's gonna kill when you desert me this happened to me twice before won't happen to me anymore

beauties

beautiful pics i got from auntie lalita...lol... nya padah tangan amon lam gambar ya pelik. lol

fear.hurt.happiness

this week i managed to learn a bit more about stuff. i'm scared i might not have enough time i could spend with the people i love the most. i went to visit my grandma before i go off later this evening. at first she did not want to react to me. until i showed her that i still keep the ring she gave me. she was admitted last friday.she was unconcious for a few hours and had a short term memory lost which got me very worried that i quickly purchase a ticket to KL.she improved and was discharged yesterday. but she seemed quite tired and weak and she could only mumble to speak.she cried when i left. i had to hold myself firm so that i won't burst to tears myself. i made her promise just now that if she gets stronger the next time i return to KL i'll definitely will bring her out around KL. she cried a bit more.but i kissed her and told her that i'll be seeing her soon and she replied,'OK la' which left me smiling for awhile. i'm keeping my word.i will return to see her and make her happy again. i Love her so much. and i hope that she'll get better and better everyday so that she'll be in a happier state. i'm gona miss my family here in KL and i hope that God will always protect them from harm wherever they are all over the world, so as those that i love and who loves me.

xoxo
Nadia~

Ideology of an Idiot.

What were ideas that were considered idiotic to some but are still practiced by many?

Sitauk how to start here. macam stuck jak. WAR maybe is one of them... nak? come on la. be diplomatic. you dun need to kill people to get something right? abolishing other people's homes and workplaces... and killing old folks, women and children... 'accidentally' (yeah right)... you dun need some complicated overly sophisticated words to express yourselves to others. mun jealous pun... sik lalu nak bunoh urg. sabar bahhhh... lol. apa ka? i'm crapping again... omG.

susah. susah gilak

okay, here goes...

i'm here
stuck with words
that i couldn't come up with
it's wrong
it's against me
so i'm shutting up
not displaying
not hinting
not trying to make you see through me
because you'll see underneath it all
is just a scum
an urchin
a useless torn tissue
discolored.

so it'd be like this
just as it is
no more emotional communication
nor sadness alike
just as it is.

just as it is
as susah as it might be.

let it be.

crying because of a receipt

i lost the receipt! i'm so sad! omG! everything is not going to well for me today. all because of that receipt... i hope the sales girl kesian me and let me change the item with a new one later. :( i want that baju so badly!!!!!!! *feet stomping*

The Truth About Today

Today's date is the 25th of July 2008. Right now it is already 12.53 pm. I was out of things to do, so i decided to drive myself to Swinburne. I'm out of things to do. Probably a bit later, I'll be going to the tailor. Yesterday I was told to make a very important decision for my future.. LoL. loba kali bunyi lok.. nothing big, but it seemed like it was very important for awhile. Zakiy just called me a few minutes ago, telling me that he has 2 tickets to see CHELSEA this TUESDAY! darn it that child! I am very jealous. I want to meet BALLACK! lol.. but maybe next time in the future, kan? Zsa just left me yesterday, I'll just be anticipating for Mai to come over soon. waaaaaaaaaaaaa.... i'm feeling ver LONELY now!!!! sobs...

Hmph.

I'm a boring person.prbly that is y ppl desert me almost all the time.besides the fact that i m a fugly miss piggy.

Grasping the Light

To become mortal
We hurt ourselves
We accept the pain
For Love
There is no such thing as freebies. Every single thing we do to achieve pure happiness requires sacrifice. Jeeewaaaaang!

Achievement Pouch

Today, I have achieved 2 things I've always wanted to do. (1)I have succesfully made the pouch displayed above using Nini's (my Grandma) rather antique sewing machine (classical indeed :-P),of course with her guidance; AND (2) I cleaned my balcony SPOTLESS! (Seriously, I just couldn't depend on anyone anymore these days)..lol. Tomorrow's goal? Will let you know then!:-D

Read the post before this one first yea!

And so,what the passage was trying to describe was that: (Musim luruh - awk blh mcntai 2 org dlm 1masa.
Angin - awk adlh org k 3 dlm cnta 3segi.
Pokok - awk bgtu stia pd psgn awk.
Daun - awk adlh plygrl/plyboy.
Hujan - awk mahu cr ssorg y btl2 cnta n ambk brt ttg awk.
So itulh diri awk.) Cayak ko aku playgirl?aku gk x cayak..bt xkan i want to choose Pokok tua.i dunwana b described as old-yet!but all in all i thk suma org are HUJAN.am not ready to b hujan,but i knw that as a human,i feel that way,even the who had chosen autumn,angin,pokok..etc.tunggu i am sure i am adult enuf 2 feel dat way i hope sum1 wud show me wat that feeling actually means.haha.jiwang lok.ingga ku ngan dirik ku..

Thoughts.

Ok,so Nana sent me this text message which says: (Ada sbtg pokok y tua,.bl HUJAN 2run,ia mmbasahi pokok lantas pokok mnjadi subur,.lalu mngluarkn DAUN yg mrmbun n mrdupkn suasana,.bl msm LURUH tiba,.ANGIN mnrbgkn daun2 yg gugur...Jk dberi plhan,yg mane 1 anda pilih,HUJAN,ANGIN,MUSIM LURUH,DAUN,POKOK,..?Pilih 1 i tnggu answr u...)Lol.so i chose Daun,bcos macam nenang ati jak bunyik..and it says that..to be continued.

Monopoly!

Playing monopoly at nini's now..wth the boys..anak-anak tok nang gila duit la..

Your Ex-Lover is Dead by Stars

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across pont champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't chose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...


*gosh.gosh.gosh. i'm really not sorry because i really have nothing to say...you know! :P~

Calendar Girl by Stars

if I am lost for a day; try and find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day
December is the darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won't make anything right
While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home
Who waits up for me all through the night
Calendar girl whos in love with the world Stay alive
Calendar Girl whos in love with the world Stay alive
I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die
But I can't live forever,I can't always breath
One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay Alive
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive
January,February,March,April,May I'm alive
June,July,August,September,October I'm alive
November,December,yah all through the winter, I'm alive
I'm alive


gosh i miss jennifer koo and noraniza mohamad like A LOT!!!!

You can go kiss my foot!

Hahaha!lawak da.udah gk tak urg kelayi bah.