Monday, February 21, 2011

Verdict: BIASED!

If you are old fashioned, borned in the dark ages and never got out of a cave, then this might be your favourite book.
Honestly saying, in this age, maybe only abt 5% of the content of this book can be used.
I detest the 'wife's rights' chapter where the author mentioned less (close to nothing) on what the title was about, but rather more on why the superiority of men, how they are better than women. I cursed. Go chk the universities statistics and compare em with the statements. One silly statement was: Men are better that women because they are better horse rider than women. WHAT?
What's more disappointing is that it mentioned less about love, passion and cooperation of both man and wife in a sacred union called MARRIAGE. Furthermore, I hate that they even have a chapter on types of women going to hell, and those who will see haven. And no such chapters were written on men who'd neglected his wife and kids, men who'd done adultery, men who lied, cheated.. Benci. Smua blame women.
Author, you should go update your infos! And marry a feminist. And the translator should get herself some self respect! I doubt that God would demand such things!
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Anonymous said...

talk to certain people,
and the whole idea of marriage
would be it's an ibadah,
more than anything else

the foundations of it would be
the love of god and religion,
superceeding love in the 'other' sense,
feelings between 2 people

the problem with religion is,
some people may only look at it
on a rigid and one-sided angle,
rather than the whole envelope,
so to speak

hence a rather tunnel vision
of what is demanded in religion.
whereas love may very well be
the one thing worth upholding
in this life, and the hereafter

perhaps the way is to view the
contents of the book,
however accurate / inaccurate it may be,
as one side of the coin,
rather than the whole currency

it'll save us a lot of angst,
however accurate it may be ;-)


~nuTt*~ said...

I believe that in any religion, to love and to breed peace is "ibadah". To teach one another patience and cooperation is "ibadah". To ensure the realisation of each parties' responsibilities in this union called marriage is "ibadah".

I also believe that for one party in this union to hurt the other goes against what we call "ibadah". For example for a husband to practice polygamy against the first wife's will goes against "ibadah". Unless if the first wife wholly accepts the idea of her husband being in bed with another woman. Loving another woman. Remember, jealousy is a sin as well, and where else would this feeling come if not from the husband's doing no?
And God clearly stated, if a man cannot be fair to all his wives (that is if he cannot give equal love to all his wives), then it would be best not to practice polygamy.
Then again, with all the "sunnahs" that we won't be able to verify its accuracy, who knows, right? Quran gives complete guidance, but most people uses sunnahs and the thousand of years ulamas' statements to take advantage and getting away with them, as was what I've found in that book I read.

Sura An-Nisa says it all, esp:

"If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one." (4:3)

"You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129)


Polygamy to substitute a younger wife is an abuse of God's law (4:19): O you who believe, it is not lawful for you to inherit what the women leave behind, against their will. You shall not force them to give up anything you had given them, unless they commit a proven adultery. You shall treat them nicely. If you dislike them, you may dislike something wherein GOD has placed a lot of good.

(info depicted from

I hope with this ONE example, Muslim readers and the non-Muslims will understand the true view of Islam and the holy Quran.

~nuTt*~ said...

Again, in that nasty book, they made a whole chapter of the types of women going to hell, and those who deserves haven. Like HELLO! A bad husband who fails to educate his wife to the right path deserves hell more than anyone else in that situation.

And yes, I wholeheartedly disagree with the biased book who gave only part perspective of the whole package called marriage.

Maybe those people who wrote that book should go to Kursus Pra Perkahwinan (PreMaritalCourse)to get a second opinion.

Amni said...

sebab ya sik semua buku yang sesuai untuk dibaca.. perlu pilih sapa penulis nya juak...=) ada buku sik sesuai di baca oleh certain orang sbb pemahaman kita berbeza...

kamek suka baca buku, Ustaz Hasrizal.. tajuk aku terima nikahnya.. dan ada lagik buku 2, n 3 nya...

sangat relevant untuk kita kinek tok.. maksudnya, nya menerangkan realiti sebenar hidup dalam dunia perkahwinan...

btw, wish u all the best! =)

Jemma James said...

Nutty, nicely written. I love your idea of marriage. You should write a book and kick this book's ass! Love you!

Anonymous said...

my owh my. you really DO get
worked up don't you nutt? 8-D

i never really take these publications
very seriously, since publications
are, well, a medium for people
to spread their beliefs,
whether that belief is wholistic
or just captured in order
to attain personal agendas
is a different story le kan?

anyway, i doubt kursus kawen will help,
since people, particularly our locals,
will only see what they want to see,
and will only believe in whatever suits them
lets take it with a pinch of salt.

regardless of what scholars say,
i believe that sometimes
you dont really need religion
to decipher what is good or not

we have common sense ;-)


~nuTt*~ said...

Amni: kan? So outdated. Klak mana2 orang laki yg jaik ngan bini gago maca dpn bini, pas ya padah tok ekot agama la, kakya nyusah bini. Lol. Thank you Tini ;-)
Jemma: Thanks. I'm thrilled that you noticed my post :-) as we are all aware, men too should understand that marriage is made out of both man and wife's cooperation. I may not be talking from, first hand experience, but I'd love to have a harmonious marriage one day. Ameen ;-)
Avoch: I agree with you. But you know, I kinda got tired with some men who'd been using 'religion' as an excuse to let them manipulate their wives. I may not be a wife myself at the moment, but as a woman I feel the pain any wives/mothers who'd gone through such situations. True, common sense is all we'd need, but not many ppl uses much of those, kan? Anothr example is on a man's right to tap his wife (i thk that's from sura an nisa as well), bt i knw some wives let their husbands commit domestic violence on them purely because they thought that they deserve it. It's been like that, and I bet you knw it too kan? Without carefully deciphiring any of our Quran/Bible/Torah/etc, many of us may think that religion separates us. But by putting both faith and common sense together, a person will understand what it takes to find peace through any differences. Then again, that's still up to the individual la kan ;-)

Anonymous said...

agreed. faith and common sense
should be the way forward.
it'll save everyone a lot of
unnecessary unpleasantries. 8-)

hey nutt, mail me over at

got smething to skim thru
that may just be up your alley ;-)


~nuTt*~ said...

Hehe. How'd I knw you won't be spamming, dear?

Anonymous said...


dun worry, i don't do spam.
i sometimes DO jot down crap,
but not spam. 8-D

you'll see.


Anonymous said...

hello Nadia,

well-done written. i always stick to this:
"A woman is like a tea bag. It's only when she's in hot water that you realize how strong she is" ~Attributed to both Eleanor Roosevelt and Carl Sandburg

i agree with the verdict and the author is 'guilty as charged'.

-mdm L-

~nuTt*~ said...

Thanks Mdm L. I hope suffering women all over the world will rise up for their rights in this age and time.
When we hear 'domestic violence', we will automatically relate it to women and children. The female kin should realise that they are equal as men, and that both men and women are supposed to compliment each other rather that degrading one another :P
I talk a bit too much kan? :P