Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Naughty, Naughty Girl!

Gosh, I know what some might think with the title I've chosen for this post, especially coming from a girl my age..
No, darling. Don't even go there.. I'm about to tell a story today, through this blogpost. A story about my childhood experience, about being a lousy person that I've always been. And it's got to stop, though at times resisting it might be close too impossible.
When I was a child, my parents would tell me off when I misbehaved by telling me to not be 'naughty'. Then, I was always trying not to be mean to my little brother (Amon), or tried my best to do very, very well in school (kindergarten) and you know... all those!
Now, I'm back to wanting to become that kid, pushing away the nasties~, wanting to be competitive? (Eh, NO, I hate competing, maybe competing with my goals, but not with anyone else). I don't want to be 'naughty'. I don't want to be screwed up. I'm going to get through this, I'm not going to TRY anymore. NO MORE TRYING. <3

"Luke: All right, I'll give it a try.
Yoda: No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
(Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back)

Monday, July 27, 2009

Slowly.... EXECUTE!

OK, I'm terrified here, all right! I have to do this. There is no turning back. I feel like blowing it off, but I can't. Not now, not AGAIN.
Of the many things I've given up, this should stay and WORK. No more giving up or turning back! I can't possibly do this to myself, AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! I believe in this, at least I should. I already have support and I can get guidance whenever I need one. All I need to do now is EXECUTE!
I can do this. This is my thing. Well, at least part of it.. I am doing this, and I'll try hard to push myself and not leave it astray like the rest of the things I believed in... in the beginning.. FUH.

This is IT.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

ONE Simple Thing. ONE Simple Reason.

I NEED to find that ONE thing that seperates me from all others. That factor that makes me unique, that makes me stand out from this simplicity. I NEED that REASON for me to realise that I do have hope. I can be better... I can be the BEST. But what is it? Where is it? What is it about me that is uniquely the BEST?
This semester, I'm planning to go on a quest to find that missing link in me... Wish me well :)

I want to do it.. With My Own Two Hands!

Firstly, before executing this.... JANGAN JADI MALAS! =.=" it's gonna be hard, but I will do it. I will.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Spending a Day as a Couch Potato :P aka MOVIE REVIEWS!

This morning, I woke up kind of late... and drove back to my mom's place to shower because there were men fixing Nini's windows at her home.
I was too lazy too get up once I got to mom's and went watching movies on Astro...
I got stuck watching 2 movies... that I didn't expect to be interesting! The first one was 'When Harry Met Sally' and the other one was 'Penelope'.
So, 'When Harry Met Sally' is about two people who had met earlier in their years, where Harry was about to hit on Sally and got with her best friend instead.... and then they've not met each other until years after that where both of them were already tied with their own respective spouse.. and that was when Sally remembered how annoying Harry was... and after like another 5 years.. they met up again, both single... and miserable.... and they became like best friends (so cute!) until..... like duh ... you know what happens next! hahahahah! dunwana spoil it for you (if you decide to check on it lol)...

All in all, this story depicts on what we call in real life -- Jodoh. Fate. Destiny... It captured me so much because knowing that if it is meant to be then it is... <3>

Pas ya tek.. 'Penelope' is a modern day fable that revolves around a girl with a pig's snout and ears! o tedah cerita ya.. Christina Ricci played Penelope and James McAvoy played the hero, Johnny Martin... AHHHH! James McAvoy is UBER HAWWWTTT! okay... i dunwana spoil the rest of the movie.. so... better go check it out yourself... happy indah lepas tengok movies ya... ehehhee

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Thank You

I feel so blessed today. Thank you God. I can feel imaginary tears coming out of my eyes. It wasn't much, but for now it is enough. Just enough and I shall continue my journey to achieve what is rightfully mine :) <3

Sunday, July 19, 2009

What do I need to be happy?

What Do You Need to Be Happy?

You Need Success to Be Happy

You are a responsible and serious person. You like to do things well.Reaching your goals is very important to you, and you don't like getting sidetracked.You feel great when you are mastering new tasks and solving problems. You believe in hard work.Nothing makes you feel worse than feeling like you are doing a back job.
~I did this quiz on FB, and got this!!!! wahh.. o so true... I'm so tired of being laid-back when in fact there is this Obsessive-Compulsive Desire in me trying to get out tok... waaaaa....


Cepat sik updates tok lok...

So here, this morning my dad called and set out some things for me to ponder about... I called Sin and told him that I want to set up some goals like concrete, bullet-proof ones that I will work hard for.. and I will try to abide to my self-made rules to achieve this... aduh...

Saturday, July 18, 2009

I Woke Up One Morning and... HELP!

Help, I need somebody,

Help, not just anybody,

Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,

I never needed anybody's help in any way.

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,

Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being round.

Help me, get my feet back on the ground,

Won't you please, please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,

My independence seems to vanish in the haze.

But every now and then I feel so insecure,

I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being round.

Help me, get my feet back on the ground,

Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,

I never needed anybody's help in any way.

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,

Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being round.

Help me, get my feet back on the ground,

Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

~ One day I woke up from bed and found out that I'm older than I was yesterday... It disappoints me, because being wiser meant having more responsibilities and not being able to be carefree as I was before. I've not been doing things right... I'm 22 and I've been selfish the whole time. And it scares me. It's scaring the shit out of me..

Just a few nights ago, while I was going out with Sin, I broke down into tears (out of nowhere) and I realised all these.. I am sad. I am an adult (age wise). I am supposed to be responsible and I should take charge of my life, but how?

He repeated these 5 points to me the whole night, and I actually noted it down on my board...:

1) Never give up in anything I believe in

2) Have high confidence in it

3) Never let anyone's words and actions affect my believes (not even his)

4) Remember all of points 1), 2) and 3) (hold it in my believes) FOREVER!!!!... and

5) Do all the steps 1), 2), 3) and 4)

~ Now, where am I going to start? How am I going to do this? What is my goals and belief?

I'll update soon~ <3

Friday, July 17, 2009

Layan Emo~ <3


All of the king's horses and all of the king's men.
Couldn't pull my heart back together again.
All of the physicians and mathematicians too.
Failed to stop my heart from breaking in two.
'Cos all I need is you, I just need you.
Yeah you got the glue so I'm gonna give my heart to you.
I had a premonition, a movie in my mind,
confirming my suspicions of what I would find.
It followed me to L.A., down to Mexico,
came in through the back door at the start of the show.
Still all I need is you, I just need you.
Yeah you got the glue so I'm gonna give my heart to you.
Oh was a perfect day. Oh in a perfect way, you know,
something had go, you left me high, you left me low.
Now as I lie in pieces, and wait for your return,
the sun upon my forehead it burns baby burns baby burns.
An eye on all my horses, you've slept with all my men.
I'm never gonna get it again. Still all I need is you,
I just need you, I just need you. Yeah you got the glue,
so I'm gonna give my heart to you. Yeah you got the glue
And there's nothing I can do. Yeah you got the glue
So I'm gonna give my heart to you

You can see through my words. I know things that only you know. That was what we shared.

Sometimes I reminisce
Sometimes I ponder
The past was left
The future to be blundered..

I've fallen to the ground
I've floated I have flown
But one thing's trapped inside my mind
Is it true I've been unkind?

Emotions run deep
Sometimes it runs wild
But for me it's something I keep
I am a woman, I am a child.

I explore and I conquer
What I've learnt, what I went through
Experience, they're never ending
Some of which has been condescending.

I bow down to lowest of earth
I have rose to touch the sun
Since the beginning, until rebirth
I will be here to fight the time.

I am human, I'm not strong
I may defeat (or be defeated), though I am wrong
But can't I feel just one little happiness
or taking pleasures of being amongst...

These words I have not spoken
There are no intentions for hatred to be broken
Just my way to let them know
I have left, so long ago...

I have changed, emotions all dried
No way I could ever pried
If knowing this would change your views
I hope you know I needn't the news.

Fingers pointing everywhere
One or tens could land on me
Please just know to no despair
My conditions now, not less than happy

I feel blessed for loves and the grounds
That was bestowed down here for me
Nevertheless I wish the best
Here I am sitting with a glee...

Love and best regards,

P/S: I'm human too, I've no regrets expressing what I've been expressing. I never believe in hate, but probably during anger... and I fully believe in love and destiny that colors hope and dreams of mankind... I FEEL SO HIPPIE! YIPPIE!!! *creepy*

Thursday, July 16, 2009


So what have I been doing these days? :) Yeah, I kinda took a few pictures to describe the last two weeks I've been through... As usual, I had my vain moments.....
My boyfriend, Sin, came back for good (that's what he said) but he'd be busy working, leaving me to focus on other things like...

my lovely friends and cousins.... (Ana on the left, Nabiya on the right)

With my cousin Nabiya (on the left), there was never any dull moments... I actually gotten myself a cam-whoring mate :P for awhile... she just reached her home, back in KL a few minutes ago, I assume..

And I managed to find a little time to spend with these little tots, Mykell (I dunno how to spell her name!) and Zachary... <3 adorable la these two!

I did spend a little time with my twins besties... Dedek and Kakak (guess what we were doing here) hehehe.. but they just took off on a plane for a holiday in KL too...

Kakak, Munee, Ezra, Myself and Dedek, at the Spring's Starbucks... with dramas stuck in our agenda... :P

I get to meet up with Eliff and Louis too this holiday... and spent a bit of time jamming for a performance at Swin's Info Day...

Ben was our guitarist, whilst Louis played bass and Eliff was on the drums.. Ezra? How did he get into the picture? He sang solo for the performance, and we had a duet just now, while karaokeing at Popwave.. hehehe.. I heard that he's leaving for KL as well tomorrow... oh... :(

I volunteered for duty as well for Info Day... but I didn't get to do much... hehehe... or at all..!!! Jaik me.. I can still remember Moazzam complaining about how I didn't do much of the duty.. can't help it, if it's fate ba!
In the picture: Trista, Moazzam, Winnie, Munee and myself in the front.
Not in the picture: Mustafa (because he was the one who was taking this picture of us :P
This is not even half the things I did this holiday... but I promise to come up with more updates soon... I'm too tired ehh...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

And then I went...

OHHHH~ It's been a tiring day.... after a tiring night.... I had to do so much and yet I do kinda enjoy the adventure I had...
I've been panicking and sleeping the whole day...and thanks to Zsa Zsa, I've been addicted to UNO that I even played it on FB!!!! mahahaha! I wana go sleep...