me thinking...

there is something missing in my life. i've been constantly feeling insecured, scared, paranoid and terribly... feeling empty. very empty. that is one reason why i can't stand holidays. i feel like i'm lack of purpose or something. i need to get myself together. but how? i'm still figuring that out. i wish i could do a lot of things.. i wish i could please Nini and take care of Z at the same time. On the other hand, i wish i could contribute something for mommy's business like how amon's doing. i wish that syam could always be there with me, and i wish i could spend a sufficient amount of time with my friends and cousin. but it's totally impossible isn't it? i cannot even find time to spend with myself. i'm sad. at least that is what i think i'm feeling right now... omG. ya nang cliche la... 'trying to find myself' shit.. ehehehehe....