This is it

SO this is it. I'm feeling totally empty, yet there is pain somewhere in my head, my chest, my back and my stomach. I think somehow I'm having troubles breathing. I cannot believe all this. But I do now. It was crystal clear but I've been denying it the whole time. This hurts. I can have anything I would want if I put my heart on it, but this is just too much. What is it that I have done wrong? You hate me. You told me that you didn't care. But I refused to believe that. What did I do to you that makes you hurt me so badly? I sobbed everynight. I himuliated myself the whole time. And hated myself for not knowing where I went wrong, up 'til tonight. I need to get out of here. I'll be catching the next bus out of here. I'm sorry I couldn't make you love me as I have loved you. And right now, all I know is that I'll never be able to love or accept anyone to love me ever.