Desperation

This constant desperation is leading me to the utmost of pressure. It's killing me slowly (oh that clearly means that I'm feeling the pain as though something is biting every inch of my flesh slowly) and never have I been this way before. NO, it's not because of some lame Love thingy. It is something more valuable than that. It's like pride. Ego. Most importantly, My Ego. I have been thinking lately, rather than going through a very bad situation cooly, without having to do anything about it... I should take action over the mess I have caused. True? Ultimately!!
So there, I know that I'm speaking in riddles, but really.. I'd hate to bring up this huge problem to the surface. It might burst and probably eat me alive... after that, it might possibly be eating others too! ~ that bad huh? YEP!
And so, I'm still babbling here when actually I am supposed to finish this crap I'm handling and live at peace. One at a time, or nothing at all. I'll try not to lose this time, because it sucks to become the loser all the time.
O yea, Happy Chinese New Year to all my friends celebrating the festivity~ May this year brings many luck to everyone and demolish all the fake hopes so that people can move on with their respective lives already! :P

You can do it! :D

Accepting Reality

(based on Managing Yourself, Grolier Business Library)

~being realistic is the most important thing in managing yourself, because even if you are motivated, you are only able to do it in a particular way or standard. By doing this, you should try to work out what the standard, and it would be unwise to keep on asking yourself tough questions, instead ask yourself:

• is doing it this way appropriate?
• does it have to be perfect?
• do I have to cope with this alone?
• do I have to finish this by tomorrow?

By then you can already set up your standards, and try to relax them to a reasonable point when possible.

1. Realistic Hurrying
2. Realistic Perfectionism
3. Realistic Pleasing
4. Realistic Trying
5. Realistic Coping

2009~ So Far...

hmmm... All I could say is that I'm still trying to decide whether to do this or that. Days have been moderate... sometimes there'd be rain... sometimes the sun would shine ever so brightly... it's making me indecisive these everchanging weathers. I've had my fun times with friends. I've had falls. But it's better to forget rather than to make it look worst innit? I'm so tired of screwing myself up. One thing at a time I guess. But how long would it take to fix these? Let's see if time and a lot thinking could help. :P
Today in my agenda includes: a lot of writing activities, other activities would require the outflow of money... and something physical probably *winks* hahahah! kenjar lok bunyi. oh I guess I better go find some food to makan for now.. :D
~ something happened... but I'm still caught in thoughts. erk. shite.

New Year Resolutions 2009!

ok ok.. update update..! lambat cerita this year...bagus I just type down all these that I need to do this year...

In 2009, I must:
1) cut down on my 'fun' hours
2) add on more 'studying' hours
3) go back to the old 'well-organised' me
4) workout at leat twice a week, at least an hour per day
5) save enough cash for me to go travelling the next holiday~
6) wake up from this very long sleep i've been in.... stop dreaming, and start living... I'm gona hit my 22nd year for goodness sake!
7) start looking for jobs
8) find my passion
9) learn to sew
10) stop delaying and procrastinating

ie.: Udah gik dreaming... and get serious,try to find the old you that you love so much and stop being scared and stop trying to please other people so much. Love is something you feel for yourself and others especially, but what others choose to be is not part of your responsibilty, but you must be there for them when they need you...just don't be a stupid idiot when it comes to all these sensitivity thingies. Stop bringing yourself down and stop being guilty about stuff. Confidence will be part of the key for a better future,... BUT!...let's do it with good intentions.. <3

My Heart is Beating...

...and sweats are pouring,
a rush I'm feeling,
a constant breathing...

when is the 13th of January? the anticipation is killing me.. help me God! I promise that I'll be a better person from now onwards. I'll try harder this time,... I promise :(