I'm Teaching Myself to Walk in Your Shoes

I think... a lot! And today, I decided to express my thoughts about what type of a person I'd want to become.
I always mentioned before that I'd hate to become a burden to anyone, or creating chaos in lives of others. Sometimes it hurts to know that I have hurt someone without me noticing it. It hurts.

If I were to walk in my Mother's shoes... I figure that she'd be constantly nervous everyday while doing her work, in the office, and as a mother of 6. She'd be thinking about what to do next, what to do tomorrow, and hoping that she could bring better future for all of us. And then, there is her sorrow. Unspoken sorrow. It's hard being alone. It's hard trying to cope with several unwanted issues, and it'd be harder if she'd have to make people listen to her, when most of them aren't trying to listen. I listened. I'm still listening. There are times that I did not follow exactly as she said, because I'm a grown person. I realise that I have my own responsibilities towards some things. My goals, my dreams. But I'd never want to see her suffer at all. I wish I could stand up and voice out all my thoughts. I wish I could make all of my dreams come true...

If I were in my Father's shoes... I guess I would be trying hard to please everyone, if I were him. He may have issues of his own, but he'd probably keeping it to himself. He'd be trying to show everyone that life is about living it the way we want to, yet at some point, he's not living his life the way he wish he could. He has to make sure that every one of us are well taken care of, even if we're very far apart. He'd want to know what's going on, but sometimes, he's not given the chance. He doesn't want to be left out of anything that is happening to us, but sometimes things are just the way they are supposed to be. He is hoping that all of us would have a bright future, but sometimes he'd be wondering if he's doing enough. Too much to handle? I have been praying everyday that I wouldn't have to be the cause of his frustration, if there is any...

My brothers... I know that there are still so much for them to learn. There are times that they'd need to make mistakes that they never knew could affect their future. There are times that they'd need to cover their mistakes, but please understand, boys, you still have a lot for you to go through later in the future. They'd be going through hard times with relationships, friends and studies... and conflicts between all those issues... and then there would be times when they misunderstand what parents are trying to tell them, sometimes ego gets the best of them, I should know, my ego is as HUGE as a HUGE something... Whatever it is, our parents wants the best for us, so please do listen.

My friends... sometimes I might be an arse. I understand. I get confused at times, when I'm supposed to do something, and when I shouldn't be doing another.. Oh, life is terrible, because I am seriously not enough of a good person, and I'd hate to point out flaws of others, so please don't make me. I'm sensitive, I figure that my friends would be so too! I hope I'm doing the right things most of the time, because I'd never know what life is without you... 'cause I'd be this person who's been living in a box. Naive and scared of everything...

The guy I like... hehehe... I just want to like you, I'd hate to freak you. Because I assume that if you were to know that I like you, you'd freak out and run. So it's best if I stay far off from you, so that I can just admire you without having you to notice that. So what if you already know? So what if you don't like me.. or if you do so? :P I'm too young to get myself hurt over and over again... for being too serious. If it ever happens between the two of us, you're going to leave me anyway.. I think. LOL. And right now I'm making myself believe that LOVE is something that would happen if it's not childish and won't hurt feelings of any other parties. LOVE is like a vow. It's so sacred, i dare not say it to you until you and I believe that you are the one! hee hee hee...

The guy who likes me... I doubt that there is any, but I always thought that if a guy ever liked me, it'd be very... fruitless. Why you'd ask? I've given up being too adult. I'm perfectly a boring person as I am, although at times I'd be lonely I wish I do have someone to care about me. All I could say is: Thank You! :) Yeah, right now is the best time to confess that I am lonely, although I'd hate to know who likes me or not... or do I? I'm a mystery to myself, why not make people wonder?

The rest who would know me... sometimes you might think that I'm being selfish talking about myself all the time like this. I am a person, I do wish I could be notice... sometimes... not all the time. I love to Love! I'd like to smile to anyone I know, or met, but I'm very scared of crazy people, or perasan people... I wish I could help, although I know I won't be much of a help at times... I am shy, I am weak, I am only human...

For those who doesn't know me, you'd probably know me one day... or you might never get the chance to know me. Whatever it is, God wills it. Appreciate what you have, those who know you , and those you may know, and anticipate everything and make yourself a paranoid freak like me...LOL! Nah.... God Bless, and live your life as you wish! :D

xxoo
nuTt*