Please Don't Cry

With every single tears you let out
You got me hurting deep inside
I wish I could announce it to you out loud
But you will never understand, so now I am about...

To leave

I will make sure you will not notice
I will make sure it will not be as painful
As the way you've trampled on my strength
The way you left me way behind

Please don't cry
I'm shutting my eyes
I am leaving this life
Just please don't cry
I don't understand why
I could not watch you mourn
I could not bear your wants
Just please, darling..
Please don't cry

I know right where I'm standing
Was right where we took up
Instantaneously jumping
Into something still unknown

I cannot lie
I am sure of one
That what is left of me is to ...

end.

T.T

I wana go to Singapore too.. but I have a feeling that I won't be able to... :'( So not fair.. I've been nice and all.. I guess it is true after all.. I never get what I really want.. boring idup eh... :(

You Don't See Me (Josie and the Pussycats)

This is the place where I sit
This is the part where
I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets?
'Cause I'm getting tired
Of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me
I'm empty and taken and
Tumbling and breakin'
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
I dream of worlds
Where you'd understand
And I dream a
Million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends,
Nothing but good friends?
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
This is the place in my heart
This is the place where
I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance
That I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

Click Here >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKds4xB_llo << to view the song's youtube video!

fIDIOT

yep i am. I'm totally impaired. my heart is lame. rasa macam my heart stuck jak.. hard and cold.. and stuck... almost dysfunctional.. :( WHY?!!?!?!??! oh WHY?!!?!?!?!?!?!? not blaming anyone. blaming myself. I deserve this thoroughly.

How Can I Not Love You ( Joy Enriquez)

Cannot touch, cannot hold
Cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss,
Cannot have each other
Must be strong, and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?

Cannot dream, Cannot share,
Sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel,
Must pretend it's over
Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you?

Must be brave, and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you when you are gone?

~ <3>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62DkAEB3AGc <<>

the Perfect Boyfren!

the perfect boyfren would have to:

-be sik ceridak (mesti hygienic)~ lak bau2 pisan gf nya jalan sebelah!

-pandei entertain gerek~jgn mala jak, 'kmk gi main futsal ngan kwn mek'.. like every single time bf ya tek ada free time... mun simok, pdh jak simok! lol, instead, pandei2 la bagi masa ngan geng and ngan gerek... mbak gerek hangout ngan geng skali ka kekadang..

-sik pandei nak ngamok gerek sukati~penyabar. kdg2 gf pms bukan boleh tahan ba. dah nature. after 10 minutes, mun sik half an hour, mesti gf pujok balit ba!mun gik juak merajuk...eee... sik ku betah nunggu.

-iboh jealous kuat gilak..~ bak kata Britney Spears, 'Does it really matter if they're lookin', I'm only looking at you!'.. ada sigek lagu lam album nya nombor duak lok.. time Britney gik sweet... lol

-pandei masak, ngemas..~ memang la ompuan patut tauk suma ya.. tapi best ba mun nangga laki pandei buat keja rumah gia..ney tauk if jodoh pjg, dah kawen lak, sik nyusah bini jak2!

-mbak gf buat benda yg berfaedah~ gi sembahyang jemaah sama2 ka..ajar gf main sports ka...pg jogging ka... lol! nak ka sweet gia..

-remember all the important dates! ~ ingat anniversary if gf ya insist.. sik perlu every month..setahun skali cukup.. asal ingat jak.. and bdays ya if lupak nang apa la! hahahaha.. but these kinda things could show if a guy actually cares for a girl..kan?

-jgn padah jak, but never actually mean it...~omG! tok nang part paling critical la... making me S-E nak gerek til now...lol..mala jak benda gitok happen..pdh nak pegi mbak gf fishing... and the guy actually ended up lupak...iboh la mala lupak..mun dah susah gilak, makan la gingko... kesian gf nunggu.. rasa tertipu tau.. that's y ppl say..action speaks louder than words! :D

-be a gentleman~ he'll never let the gf susah in any ways, and will always try his best to please the gf...tapi we are all human, kan? try jak la, if sik dapat pun, you did your best kan bf? :P *Mr Darcy!*

-hormat org tua~ sik kira la parents gf or nenek gf or uncle auntie. iboh suka anok family gf skati if sik knal hati budi.

-iboh la salu bulak~ mun dah kantoi kan susah? nak lalu bekelayi besar? :P Honesty is always the best policy, but laki tok nak kuat gilak bulak ba... =.= that is why there is such a book called, 'Why Men Lie, and Women Cry', nak? but i never actually get to read the book tho.. lol

-try not to bitch about gf ngan org. malu org ba, ompuan mun terkerepak ya biasa la... mulut ompuan... laki kinek tok... kuat gossip juak ba... suka bersadu sia sitok.. in the end, bersadu ngan ompuan lain... eeeeee.... geram ku mikey!

-be loyal!~ waaaaahhhh.... sangat rare laki yang loyal! if ompuan yang dapat laki gitok nang super lucky la nya! lol.. tapi ya lahh.. laki knktok..lol

-responsible~ MACHO ABIS laki yg responsible... pandei blaja, nulong parents jaga family, ada career, sik pandei nak harapkan org lain, pandei berjimat,.... WOW! pandei potong rumput gik... ding!ding!ding!~ Mr Perfect... lol...time gerek demam, worry abis, lu anta gerek ke clinic...*jealous ku if ku nangga org gia* lol

-ada byk gik actually, but kepak. nite~

Be Aggressive! B-E Aggressive!

B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! Be Aggressive! fuh.... nervous tahap dewa!!! maka exam 1 week plus gik.. ONE WEEK PLUS GIK?!!?!?!??!!? OMG!!!!!!!!!!! :'( takut...

Random: One of the questions I answered in my e-Marketing discussion board. :P

Question: The Internet has been changing society ever since its inception.Looking ahead, in what ways will it continue to shape our society's future? Not just in marketing and commerce but in all aspects of life. Will the Internet align to our values, and beliefs/morality, etc? Or will the Internet change long-held traditions, customs and values?

Answer: When I read this question, the first thing that came to mind was the festive seasons. Why ever, you might ask?

• Piture this: Some of us might be living abroad, away from our family, to pursue further education or work,.. etc., and we might not be able to be back in our hometown with the rest of the family on festive seasons like Eid Mubarak, Christmas, Gawai, Chinese New Year, Diwali and etc., due to, well there could be a lot of reasons there, but my point is, the Internet might be one of the ways for us to connect with our loved ones living faraway across the earth, and to think that it is a helpful way to do this is one thing, but depending too much on this means of telecommunication, could lead to a problem, maybe :P
• -Scenario 1: I know this might seem comical, but what if you depend too much on the technology, you actually feel that you don't have to go back, because you can still meet your family on the PC screen! Oh, dear. I know I'm being dramatic here, imagine doing this for one or two decades. That would make you seem heartless.
• -Scenario 2: You're living too far away, and you thought that your family would be safe, because you can monitor them from the technology you have, but hear this out, I read from a magazine article once, a sister found out that her sibling passed away through facebook. No, her sibling did not die because of facebook, but she found out that her sister passed away from the information she got from facebook. And where was she then?
• -Scenario 3: 'You can see me through my webcam if you miss me',try telling that to your old folks who are waiting for you, missing you and have been hoping for you to come back.

My ultimate point here is that depending too much on technology will make you quite a terrible person if it gets extreme. I do think that the Internet could drive a person to be less of a human if one could not learn to balance between all these values, beliefs, morality, traditions and customs and the everyday growing technology. Just remember not to take things for granted, technology is good, if you know how to handle it. :D

And yeah, sometimes I do think that the Internet could make people lazy, if the person does everything online. Technology was meant to help us enhance the way we live, but really, if everything is too easy to do, then what is left for us to do? ~ Just a thought there.

Before I Forgot..

• there is no such thing as HATE, no matter how many times I say it.
• life is as long as you wish to live it, so don't waste your time.
• apologies and forgiveness won't work unless if it comes straight from the heart.
• FM, ACA, e-Marketing and Macroeconomics are very hard if I don't give it my best.
• never forget to PRAY! Amin. :D

WOOPS! (bak kata PB tadik)

OK... clear your mind.. clear your mind...! :D
Pa cita ku tek? I was emo in the car and i broke down again? I'm blaming everything on myself for being such a softy. yeah, I suck! :( hahahaha! Ya lah nama nya sik bersyukur... 'cause impossible la PMS, dah lepas waktu. I've got so much to think about, so please jangan terasa sesapa unless if nama kau DYG ZEPIRAH or MUNIRAH (bukan nama sebenar...)... or PB... (woops!) LOL. Biol nyawa ku. I keep on thinking too much. Muka ku banyak pimple bah, and I'm putting on a ton!!!!! (OI, no matter how fat I am, you'll never be as good-looking as me, k?) antap da ku stress tok. LOL! And now I'm feeling guilty cos ada urang chia ku makan tek!!! :( nang sik ngenang budi ku tok owww... dah org nak chia, ngerepak juak gik... tapi yalah... i'm the type of person that can never not finish my food ba.... sayang... nangis nasik lak... sak jak sik makan nasik tek... OI! Nabeil and Isaac keeps on playing Automatic Stop jak2. Nak muntah dah tok ba!
Tetiba ku emo kat Islamic Cafe tek. I think I've not been spending enough time with my loved ones le.. Rindu Zachary. Rindu Nini. Rindu Mommy and Papa. and... etc (hahaha... malas lok)... Zachary dah pandei kiss ba. he kissed me... THRICE! :P
Tetiba ku ingat ngan Quotes2 penting nektok....
Arwah Grandpa's: Muka kedak Kuda.. the best!
Nini's: Cinta itu Pelsu... :D
and kakak kawan Munirah: Jodoh ada di mana2!

Gila eh... Ku patut blaja bah... pahal kitak org ba??? mala polah ku biol kedak tok... ngan emo indon songs ktk org ya... :( .... eh... i think i wanted to listen to that song myself tek oww... woops! lol
Senyum.... Y? lol. cos rasa nak berak. GOSH! GOSH rhymes with JOSH!!!!pahal ku random gilak tok?!??!?!?!?!

neways, can't wait for the slumber party... ingat k??? mbak DVD best2 lak... and food... :D
kissies

Quote of the Day!

"I have to deal with it. I'm being terribly selfish. I'm behaving badly, as if I'm the only person in the world who is suffering. God isn't trying to punish me. Life is a cosmic grab bag. At this moment, somewhere in the world, someone is losing a child, skiing down a mountain, having an orgasm, getting a haircut, lying on a bed of pain, singing on a stage, drowning, getting married, starving in a gutter. In the end, aren't we all that same person? An aeon is a thousand million years, and an aeon ago every atom in our bodies was a part of a star..."

(Mary Ashley, derived from Sidney Sheldon's Windmills of the Gods)

:D :D :D

I think I'm boy-crazy now... Thanks to Adie!!!! :( lol...
watch--> http://video.aol.com/video-detail/edison-chen-in-mtv-whatever-things-season3-ep2-33/1597388783/?icid=VIDURVENT02
I think Josh is the one!!!!! ahahahahah!!!!!!! huhhhh....... God, if i cannot get the guy I want, can I have Josh instead? *puppydogseyes* Yep, I'm supposed to blaja... but the sight of him makes me WEAK! :D He looks good with a mohawk... he's got such a nice head-shape!!! and he's.... he's... hilarious.... adoi... will i be seeing him in the near future? Will he ever notice plain me?? LOL!

O yeah, this'd be my X-Mas Wishlist!

1. 'Being Elizabeth Bennet', it's a book Kakak recommended to me... :D
2. 'Mrs Darcy's Dilemma', a sequel to Pride and Prejudice *winks*
3. a really nice X-Mas Date!
4. Family and Friends.. gathering!!!!!
5. a new pair of Futsal shoes...
6. dark chocolates... again?!!?!?!??
7. Watch Love Actually, Gone with the Wind, Little Women, A Little Princess, .... ada gik ka cita lain ku mok tengok...? I'll update number 7 again later... :D with my loved ONES! :)

I think that should be about it for now.... <3

Can't Wait! CAN'T WAIT!

I can't wait for the semester to be over~ I seriously can't! OK OK.. for now I'd have to:

• take a break from FACEBOOK and all means of mass distractions :P
• concentrate, focus and give my all for the preparation for this upcoming exam.
• finish all necessary tasks, and NO MORE DELAYS please..
• shut my eyes, and ears from the unnecessaries.................
• and workout! workout! workout!! ~ to ganti FACEBOOK and other stress-relievers...
• jogging kali? :D

And plans for the end-of-year break? :

• give myself a few days to recover from the exhaustion of exams... (tido for a few days!)
• freshen up -- DAMAI!
• and hangout with all the friends yang balik dari perantauan... Johor/KL/Selangor/Nilai/Australia... and those yang tinggal di Hostel UNIMAS n UITM ...itu...simok ku sebut nama... sik tersebut lak kecik ati indah ktk org!!! BLUEK~~~~hahahah!
• make up my mind whether I want to stay in Kuching, pegi KL or Miri after all that..
• main masak2!!!! this one before deciding pegi KL, Miri or Singapore itu.. I should start a list siney nak distribute makanan2 tersebut...simok ku listdown dolok... takut lupak! :D

ok la... kissies.. nak MUNDY dahulu yerr??? :D

No More Frustration Please. No More Saddening Surprises..

I hate hoping. Although my name means 'hope' in some foreign language I couldn't care much about, I seriously hate hoping. I may be a very playful person, but I am realistic. I hate it when someone lingers me with something I would want so badly, just to know that in the end, I am not going to get it. It hurts to feel that way. At times it makes me feel like I never get that thing that I really want. I know that I'd feel very selfishly dumb afterwards, but yeah... please la. It's hurtful.
Someone kinda promised me something that I know the probability of obtaining it is only 50% chance only. But when I get to think too much about it, and when people keep on bugging me over it, it'd make me want it even more, wouldn't it? :( now that I'm feeling kinda discouraged about it, I guess it's time for me to just let it go. hmpht.. bye bye hopes. I'll find something else to comfort me or divert me away from thinking about you... AH! I wish I could go! :( Why did you have to lift my prospects high? grrr.... hmpth!

I couldn't make things out. It's really hard to do in this mode. I'm awfully tired over nothing at all.. I'm looking around in the library right now, trying to restrain myself from yawning... looking at dedek, about a yard away from me... hearing the person next to me typing... and just staring at the blank white space in front of me.. o... there is a window there.. hot issues yesterday: Obama's win, people all stressing out for exams... and.... there was this other word I've been crossing upon a lot of times already... lol... forgot what it is...
I am supposed to do a posting for e-Marketing and I'd have to finish my part of Macroeconomics' term paper due tomorrow... and here I am... all blank.... :'( TIRED! mok pegi gym kejap pastok... release this unused energy that is making me slowwww.... and emoooooo.... WTF! why am i so emo!?!??!!? hmpht!

Looking forward...

OI! i'm so bored. and a bit depressed. i'm supposed to do my work (as usual..) but i'm too occupied with main-main! :( Right now, all i have in my head is.... emo indonesian songs playing over and over and over again... and Pride and Prejudice's Mr Darcy playing in my mind.. tall, quiet, misunderstood, good-looking, smart and compassionate Mr Darcy... OMG! i think i'm in love with him.. :( too bad he's nothing but a literature character... i wish i could be in love the way lizzie bennet did in the movie story... i think i'm very scared 'cos i'm on the verge of not feeling that feeling anymore... OH! takut!!! lol... yes, adeline... i feel very not normal... and very scared! :D hee hee hee.. o well, better get back to work..la la la la...so many fish there in the sea... now another song.. is playing in my head! dang!!

Strokes Singin'

"I don't want to do it your way,

I don't want to do it your way.

I don't want to give it to you, your way.

I don't want to know...

I don't want to change your mind,

I don't want to waste your time.

I just want to know you're alright.

I've got to know you're alright;

You are young, darling

For now, but not for long"

Under control. ~ Under Control, the Strokes

"So many fish there in the sea

I wanted you, you wanted me

That's just a phase, it's got to pass

I was a train moving too fast

Didn't understand what to see

Yeah, then I got a different view

It's you...no.

Wait, I'm gonna give it a break.

I'm not you friend,I never was.

I said wait, I'm gonna give it a break.

I'm not your friend,I never was."

~ Automatic Stop, the Strokes

"I want to be forgotten,

and I don't want to be reminded.

You say "please don't make this harder."

No, I won't yet.

I wanna be beside her.

She wanna be admired.

You say "please don't make this harder."

No, I won't yet. "

~ Whatever Happened, the Strokes

Thanks Isaac! :D

Depicted from July 2005 of freakoutcuzimhere

http://freakynadyadrivesyoumad.blogspot.com/2005/07/what-did-i-do-what-have-i-done.html