A Greeting, Overdue: Selamat Hari Raya Everybody :)

Di Hari Raya ini....

I did not actually get to enjoy much of it... But I'm still glad that I have my friends and family around to make it happen... This is a photo of Jojo, Zachary and Isaac. I'm not sure when they took this one, I just stole it from Jojo's Photo Album on FB. HEHEH...

Here, this photo here was taken by someone, aku pun sik sure siapa... using Louis' camera~ heheh.. Ya Louis gik gago makan ya, sebelah Saiful, opposite Asy and Eka... Also in the photo: Julian, Aizuddin, Mas, Bono, Davisa, Amanda, Nappy and yang sorang gik I'm not sure who... where was I? camwhoring in the next room, with Gwen... ehhehe!

Ini dia, buktinya... This is one of the many photos taken using Gwen's cam. cantik ho? :)

LOOKY, LOOKY! Inilah traditional group photo pada hari yang mulia tersebut...... Please do note that Donald ada gik pose pelik2, as usual.. di ekot oleh Louis Lai.. Also in the photo: Anna, and Aisya :)

~ Selamat Hari Raya to All! :) ~

P/S: Sorry if I have not been able to visit your houses yet. I had to do my assignment, studied for test that I sat for yesterday, and spent only little time with most of my cousins.. sad eh... I'll make it up to you all, I will try! :D

Time to continue with delayed schoolwork gik!

Lines That Read My Thoughts

"...But I promise you this,

I'll always look out for you...

...My heart is yours.

It's you that I hold on to.

That's what I'll do.

But I know I was wrong,

And I won't let you down..."

(Sparks, by Coldplay)

What did you think I was doing?

Why am I still here?

Okay. I am panicking. I have no good reasons to do so, but I am. I am trying hard not to doze off in class (oh, tipu. I'm not even tired knowing the fact that I woke up at 4.40am for breakfast just now), or am I just leading myself to procrastination -- again! sheesh.
All right. I have mighty loads of things to do and slowing down now or doing anything else, but what I am supposed to is won't help me in anyway.
So, excuse me, Blog... I need to squeeze out my creative brain..

*kiss, kiss*
~nuTt*~

That Lonesome Day

Eyes were on the ground
As my head was facing down
Tears trinkled through
With my cries, did not resound.
No one would ever know
None would ever go.
But I'm thankful that this is done,
that lately, I had learnt to run.
Running was never, ever my field
Since running would turn my way back there
The world is round, as we might know..
So, running around to me, means stay.
Probably, there are some issues
Perhaps, there are also dues
But somehow I manage to find my route
That knowing every day,
and in every way...
I'll be better in time
And I will work, I would bleed
Just to get away, away from that need.

~The Mind Gym~

Issue 124 - Take the Leap Feedback (My Recipe for Leaping out of Bed and into Work)

Autonomy / independence
Your profile suggests that your top ingredient, or anchor, is autonomy / independence. This means that what you need most from your career is the chance to define your own work in your own way. Above else, you need a sense of freedom. Positives Some traditional organisational jobs allow a great deal of this kind of freedom, but often people with this anchor opt for self-employment or for jobs that are highly autonomous - such as freelance consultants, setting up independent small businesses or field sales. At your best you:

• Can offer potential employers the complete package: what needs to be done, how to do it and when.
• Don't need close supervision to get things done. You're already on the case.
• Are more flexible and so can offer creative solutions to tricky problems.

What to watch out for

You may be reluctant to leave an organisation that allows you flexibility regarding when and how to work. Opportunities for promotion or advancement may be turned down by you in order to retain autonomy. What you might try For you, freedom is paramount. Try these tips below:

• Consider your present job. Does it offer sufficient autonomy? What specifically in your career allows you some independence?
• How can bring more autonomy into your role at work?
• What opportunities satisfy your need for independence outside of work? Is there any way you can turn your outside interests into a career.
• If you really can't see any way to bring more autonomy into your present role, what other types of work would provide you with a better sense of freedom?

And now the science bit

In a study of 28 hospital cleaners (Wrzesniewski, 1997) with the same official job description it was found some cleaners saw it as a means to earning money (a job), others a way to become a supervisor (a career) and others saw themselves as playing a critical part in healing patients and anticipating the needs of the doctors (a calling). So, like any job, hospital cleaning can be all three - a job, a career or a calling. A job is what you do this for a pay cheque. You do not seek other rewards from it. It is just another means to an end. And when the wage stops, you quit. A Career entails a deeper personal investment in work. You mark your achievements through money, but also through advancement. When the promotions stop, you look elsewhere for gratification. A Calling is when you have a passionate commitment to work for its own sake. Individuals with a calling see their work as contributing to the greater good. The work is fulfilling in its own right without regard for money or advancement. The research demonstrates that, it's not the job description or the day-to-day tasks that give people a sense of working in a calling. Rather, it is how the person perceives what they do, whether their role provides them with a sense of meaning and purpose and how they view the impact their role had on a greater cause.

Edgar Schein developed 8 life anchors that reflect our basic values, motives and needs. Of the 8 anchors there are usually one or two that we won't give up. Knowing what these are is important because when choices have to be made our anchors come into play and become a driving force behind the decisions that we make. Our anchors evolve once we begin our working life and then generally remain stable across our adult life. Schein used the metaphor of anchor because once we know what our top two anchors are we track how these have floated with the different career paths we've taken throughout life. So just like an anchor we won't forgo this basic need however we use the insight to see how we can adapt our situations to be consistent with our anchors.

**Note: I got this from a quiz I did on themindgym.com.

The First Day of Ramadhan, 2009!

Hello, hello! Friends, family and anyone who's reading this~ Happy Ramadhan Al-Mubarak!I had a nice Friday yesterday, and I felt joyful beyond belief! :P (too much there, k!) Magical Friday, it was. I feel blessed in every way.

Today, Saturday, happens to be the first day of Ramadhan this year, and yep, I am fasting! :) Guess what I've been doing last night. Something kept me up late... I think Sin was turned off by me not listening to the first half of our conversation. Okay, okay.. I did this:

No, dear. Not the drawing. I did the sketch last year, in July. I think I posted a sketch like this on in one of my blog postings. Whatever it is.. what do you think? exuve is this something that I just joined yesterday, to do some e-Commerce Strategy report (on Crowdsourcing). And I guess they required the participant to let them know the inspiration for the design. I submitted! But I'm not sure if it reached the site. I badly hope so. Sin said they're gonna steal my design and bla bla bla.. For now, I don't mind. This is part of my dream. I wanna succeed somewhere, but exposure might be the important thing for Step 1. Yep, I'm still in Step 1. Lol.

Happy Ramadhan Al-Mubarak everybody, to all the Muslims and the non-Muslims! :) I love Malaysia. Hidup Perpaduan (Long live Unity!) Lol.. Thanks to Muneera Said, I became a crazy patriotic Malaysian. Okay, okay... lol

Until then,

xo~
~nuTt*~

I Love Anna Sui!!! :)

'You have to focus on your dreams, even if they go beyond common sense. How could this young girl from the suburbs of Detroit become a success in New York? It was always that dream.'

(Anna Sui, Anna Sui.com)

Help Me Find That Way

I believe there is no restriction for anything,.. if you want it bad. I want it bad. Why is there restriction to that? In this new world, is there any way that I can prove that I can do it? Again?

Problems, I have a lot. To get over them, will take a lot of effort. I am NOT going to simply accept a NO. NO WAY! I'm trying to figure out a way to get a YES. I will get it. I want it really badly. I have to get it no matter what. :(

Premonition

Why do I feel as though I know that Britney never loved KevFed, and was only with him to fill the void? I think she loves Justin and never got over it. KevFed never seemed like a man that is passionate enough to be loved, or could ever love.. LOL. just a thought.

Saya Terjumpa Ini Tadi

Not a fan, but this is quite interesting whether or not it is true...

http://michaeljacksonfromthegrave.com/postdeathmichaeljackson/index.html

Somewhere in Step 1...

click here (NO, no such thing as spam here; SERIOUSLY, I'm not Lying!)

• http://nuttisfreaky.daportfolio.com/

and

• http://www.midomi.com/index.php?action=main.profile&username=nuTt&tab=recordings

Achievements? No sign of that yet.

3 Lines: ...

1. Remember the time when we were remembering? (Powerpuff Girls)
2. Never say 'No' to yourself. (Heidi Klum)
3. She is a genius. (Jet)

Uish, Not Fair! Or is it?

Is it true that proper girls can't make history? And that good girls go nowhere? I don't think I am one, but I know that I'm too lazy to care about all that. lol.
I want to change the world. I wish for it to happen everyday. But I'm just too lazy to care! And that is BADDDD! Bodoh ba,... there are a million things that I can do, and I am nowhere near to where I think and BELIEVE I belong.
Boring eh. I know that I can do well but laziness is drifting me away from my destiny. Maybe it's not just laziness.. maybe the fact that I'm lack of confidence plus that I've always been a shy person is adding to the reasons to why I am so unsuccessful (in my own way). That's bad. It's something like being kiasu, innit? I want to get over it. But how? HOW???
Probably I'm going to try something.. Let's see if this will work...
For future updates, please tune in to the next posting~ (macam la ada orang baca pun lol)

Naughty, Naughty Girl!

Gosh, I know what some might think with the title I've chosen for this post, especially coming from a girl my age..
No, darling. Don't even go there.. I'm about to tell a story today, through this blogpost. A story about my childhood experience, about being a lousy person that I've always been. And it's got to stop, though at times resisting it might be close too impossible.
When I was a child, my parents would tell me off when I misbehaved by telling me to not be 'naughty'. Then, I was always trying not to be mean to my little brother (Amon), or tried my best to do very, very well in school (kindergarten) and you know... all those!
Now, I'm back to wanting to become that kid, pushing away the nasties~, wanting to be competitive? (Eh, NO, I hate competing, maybe competing with my goals, but not with anyone else). I don't want to be 'naughty'. I don't want to be screwed up. I'm going to get through this, I'm not going to TRY anymore. NO MORE TRYING. <3

"Luke: All right, I'll give it a try.

Yoda: No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."

(Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back)

Slowly.... EXECUTE!

OK, I'm terrified here, all right! I have to do this. There is no turning back. I feel like blowing it off, but I can't. Not now, not AGAIN.

Of the many things I've given up, this should stay and WORK. No more giving up or turning back! I can't possibly do this to myself, AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! I believe in this, at least I should. I already have support and I can get guidance whenever I need one. All I need to do now is EXECUTE!

I can do this. This is my thing. Well, at least part of it.. I am doing this, and I'll try hard to push myself and not leave it astray like the rest of the things I believed in... in the beginning.. FUH.

This is IT.

ONE Simple Thing. ONE Simple Reason.

I NEED to find that ONE thing that seperates me from all others. That factor that makes me unique, that makes me stand out from this simplicity. I NEED that REASON for me to realise that I do have hope. I can be better... I can be the BEST. But what is it? Where is it? What is it about me that is uniquely the BEST?
This semester, I'm planning to go on a quest to find that missing link in me... Wish me well :)

I want to do it.. With My Own Two Hands!

Firstly, before executing this.... JANGAN JADI MALAS! =.=" it's gonna be hard, but I will do it. I will.

Spending a Day as a Couch Potato :P aka MOVIE REVIEWS!

This morning, I woke up kind of late... and drove back to my mom's place to shower because there were men fixing Nini's windows at her home.

I was too lazy too get up once I got to mom's and went watching movies on Astro...

I got stuck watching 2 movies... that I didn't expect to be interesting! The first one was 'When Harry Met Sally' and the other one was 'Penelope'.

So, 'When Harry Met Sally' is about two people who had met earlier in their years, where Harry was about to hit on Sally and got with her best friend instead.... and then they've not met each other until years after that where both of them were already tied with their own respective spouse.. and that was when Sally remembered how annoying Harry was... and after like another 5 years.. they met up again, both single... and miserable.... and they became like best friends (so cute!) until..... like duh ... you know what happens next! hahahahah! dunwana spoil it for you (if you decide to check on it lol)...

All in all, this story depicts on what we call in real life -- Jodoh. Fate. Destiny... It captured me so much because knowing that if it is meant to be then it is... <3>

Pas ya tek.. 'Penelope' is a modern day fable that revolves around a girl with a pig's snout and ears! o tedah cerita ya.. Christina Ricci played Penelope and James McAvoy played the hero, Johnny Martin... AHHHH! James McAvoy is UBER HAWWWTTT! okay... i dunwana spoil the rest of the movie.. so... better go check it out yourself... happy indah lepas tengok movies ya... ehehhee

Thank You

I feel so blessed today. Thank you God. I can feel imaginary tears coming out of my eyes. It wasn't much, but for now it is enough. Just enough and I shall continue my journey to achieve what is rightfully mine :) <3

What do I need to be happy?

What Do You Need to Be Happy?

You Need Success to Be Happy

You are a responsible and serious person. You like to do things well.Reaching your goals is very important to you, and you don't like getting sidetracked.You feel great when you are mastering new tasks and solving problems. You believe in hard work.Nothing makes you feel worse than feeling like you are doing a back job.

~I did this quiz on FB, and got this!!!! wahh.. o so true... I'm so tired of being laid-back when in fact there is this Obsessive-Compulsive Desire in me trying to get out tok... waaaaa....

UPDATES!

Cepat sik updates tok lok...

So here, this morning my dad called and set out some things for me to ponder about... I called Sin and told him that I want to set up some goals like concrete, bullet-proof ones that I will work hard for.. and I will try to abide to my self-made rules to achieve this... aduh...

I Woke Up One Morning and... HELP!

Help, I need somebody,

Help, not just anybody,

Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,

I never needed anybody's help in any way.

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,

Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being round.

Help me, get my feet back on the ground,

Won't you please, please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,

My independence seems to vanish in the haze.

But every now and then I feel so insecure,

I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being round.

Help me, get my feet back on the ground,

Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,

I never needed anybody's help in any way.

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,

Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being round.

Help me, get my feet back on the ground,

Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

~ One day I woke up from bed and found out that I'm older than I was yesterday... It disappoints me, because being wiser meant having more responsibilities and not being able to be carefree as I was before. I've not been doing things right... I'm 22 and I've been selfish the whole time. And it scares me. It's scaring the shit out of me..

Just a few nights ago, while I was going out with Sin, I broke down into tears (out of nowhere) and I realised all these.. I am sad. I am an adult (age wise). I am supposed to be responsible and I should take charge of my life, but how?

He repeated these 5 points to me the whole night, and I actually noted it down on my board...:

1) Never give up in anything I believe in

2) Have high confidence in it

3) Never let anyone's words and actions affect my believes (not even his)

4) Remember all of points 1), 2) and 3) (hold it in my believes) FOREVER!!!!... and

5) Do all the steps 1), 2), 3) and 4)

~ Now, where am I going to start? How am I going to do this? What is my goals and belief?

I'll update soon~ <3

Layan Emo~ <3

HUMPTY DUMPTY LOVE SONG



All of the king's horses and all of the king's men.
Couldn't pull my heart back together again.
All of the physicians and mathematicians too.
Failed to stop my heart from breaking in two.
'Cos all I need is you, I just need you.
Yeah you got the glue so I'm gonna give my heart to you.
I had a premonition, a movie in my mind,
confirming my suspicions of what I would find.
It followed me to L.A., down to Mexico,
came in through the back door at the start of the show.
Still all I need is you, I just need you.
Yeah you got the glue so I'm gonna give my heart to you.
Oh was a perfect day. Oh in a perfect way, you know,
something had go, you left me high, you left me low.
Now as I lie in pieces, and wait for your return,
the sun upon my forehead it burns baby burns baby burns.
An eye on all my horses, you've slept with all my men.
I'm never gonna get it again. Still all I need is you,
I just need you, I just need you. Yeah you got the glue,
so I'm gonna give my heart to you. Yeah you got the glue
And there's nothing I can do. Yeah you got the glue
So I'm gonna give my heart to you

You can see through my words. I know things that only you know. That was what we shared.

Sometimes I reminisce
Sometimes I ponder
The past was left
The future to be blundered..

I've fallen to the ground
I've floated I have flown
But one thing's trapped inside my mind
Is it true I've been unkind?

Emotions run deep
Sometimes it runs wild
But for me it's something I keep
I am a woman, I am a child.

I explore and I conquer
What I've learnt, what I went through
Experience, they're never ending
Some of which has been condescending.

I bow down to lowest of earth
I have rose to touch the sun
Since the beginning, until rebirth
I will be here to fight the time.

I am human, I'm not strong
I may defeat (or be defeated), though I am wrong
But can't I feel just one little happiness
or taking pleasures of being amongst...

These words I have not spoken
There are no intentions for hatred to be broken
Just my way to let them know
I have left, so long ago...

I have changed, emotions all dried
No way I could ever pried
If knowing this would change your views
I hope you know I needn't the news.

Fingers pointing everywhere
One or tens could land on me
Please just know to no despair
My conditions now, not less than happy

I feel blessed for loves and the grounds
That was bestowed down here for me
Nevertheless I wish the best
Here I am sitting with a glee...


Love and best regards,

~nuTt*~

P/S: I'm human too, I've no regrets expressing what I've been expressing. I never believe in hate, but probably during anger... and I fully believe in love and destiny that colors hope and dreams of mankind... I FEEL SO HIPPIE! YIPPIE!!! *creepy*

Cuti-Cuti~

So what have I been doing these days? :) Yeah, I kinda took a few pictures to describe the last two weeks I've been through... As usual, I had my vain moments.....
My boyfriend, Sin, came back for good (that's what he said) but he'd be busy working, leaving me to focus on other things like...

my lovely friends and cousins.... (Ana on the left, Nabiya on the right)

With my cousin Nabiya (on the left), there was never any dull moments... I actually gotten myself a cam-whoring mate :P for awhile... she just reached her home, back in KL a few minutes ago, I assume..

And I managed to find a little time to spend with these little tots, Mykell (I dunno how to spell her name!) and Zachary... <3 adorable la these two!

I did spend a little time with my twins besties... Dedek and Kakak (guess what we were doing here) hehehe.. but they just took off on a plane for a holiday in KL too...

Kakak, Munee, Ezra, Myself and Dedek, at the Spring's Starbucks... with dramas stuck in our agenda... :P

I get to meet up with Eliff and Louis too this holiday... and spent a bit of time jamming for a performance at Swin's Info Day...

Ben was our guitarist, whilst Louis played bass and Eliff was on the drums.. Ezra? How did he get into the picture? He sang solo for the performance, and we had a duet just now, while karaokeing at Popwave.. hehehe.. I heard that he's leaving for KL as well tomorrow... oh... :(

I volunteered for duty as well for Info Day... but I didn't get to do much... hehehe... or at all..!!! Jaik me.. I can still remember Moazzam complaining about how I didn't do much of the duty.. can't help it, if it's fate ba!

In the picture: Trista, Moazzam, Winnie, Munee and myself in the front.

Not in the picture: Mustafa (because he was the one who was taking this picture of us :P

This is not even half the things I did this holiday... but I promise to come up with more updates soon... I'm too tired ehh...

xx~

And then I went...

OHHHH~ It's been a tiring day.... after a tiring night.... I had to do so much and yet I do kinda enjoy the adventure I had...
I've been panicking and sleeping the whole day...and thanks to Zsa Zsa, I've been addicted to UNO that I even played it on FB!!!! mahahaha! I wana go sleep...

Just as I was about to be angry...

I was re-reading the last post I wrote before I did this one... I kinda got angry a bit... lol then this song resounded.. (Like a Star)... It's always the most soothing song... :) and I kinda forgotten why I was angry in the first place...
I can't wait for Froggie to get home already... I don't think I want to drive much these few weeks. I'm so tired of the stress.. It's been wearing me off ba... :( plus the things I've been going through these few weeks.. ugh.... I need to rest.
I've done a lot of wrongs, I think. I need to fix things now. I need to do things right, but where should I start? :/

MEAN OLD RUDE DRIVER!

This morning at about 9 am, I was somewhere near TAKA, Satok waiting next to a yellow line in front of the bakery, calling Angie, minding my own business until a cream kelisa (plat number QKV 2070) suddenly reversed from my right side. The car was reversing so fast that I honked my car. I WAS SLOWLY REVERSING OKAY! The male Malay male driver was probably having PMS awal pagi giving me rude glares and expressions. Ya ku berik middle finger! Dah la TUA, RUDE AGIK YA! Is that what you want to show the younger generations? BITCH! I hope you'll find this blog article and think twice before you ever do the sxame mistake. Berik malu dirik jak.
So sambong cita, I was driving behind him and he stopped lagik with his stupid mean rude glare! so I drove next to his car and bukak window to confront him and asked what's up la he was like that. I wanted to tell him that I honked because I wanted to warn him that my car was behind his. AND THERE WAS ANOTHER CAR COMING FROM BEHIND. So yeah, it was kinda my fault that my car was waiting on the yellow line, but there was plenty of space for a SMALL KELISA to REVERSE K! Kuchingites, it happened in front of TAKA Satok K!!!!! neyda road ya kecik... for a KELISA! and you know what.. he called me BABI!!!!!!!!!! orang tua sik malu ya panggil me BABI, so I shouted to him back: BITCH! (with another middle finger!) muka kedak sial jak. Panggil aku Babi, tapi you look fatter than me you BITCH! muka bulat jak! I wouldn't be bitching about you if you approached me with proper rational way. BITCH~

Because I Do Need the Strength!

I have lots in my head. I have lots to do this one month. I won't be able to spend much time with people I love, but I promise that I'll make it up to you all (family, friends and Facebook.. lol) as soon as I am done! I is the loving all of the YOUs! <3 and hold on tight 'cause I'll be there for you guys as soon as I am free from the evil clutches of academia! <3 hehehehe.... *nerding mode on*

Love,
Nerdia
(for this period only)

LOL

It's good to love and to be loved.

I feel blessed that I have what I have. I thank God for every single second I breathe. And I hope that I'll feel content like this for as long as I live. <3

No You Boys Never Care~

Lyrics Franz Ferdinand lyrics - No You Girls lyrics

The Prettiest Girl in the Whole Wide World.. by Weezer <3

Sunshine is falling.Over my head.Turtle doves are calling."Good morning, friends".And I got the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.And nobody can take her from me.And in the evening when she goes out walking alone.I wait at home patiently.I've never been so happy.I've never been so sure.Red roses blooming.All unaware.Of seasons turning.Of coming care.And I got the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.And nobody can take her from me.And in the evening when she goes out walking alone.I wait at home patiently.I've never been so happy.I've never been so sure.I got the prettiest girl in the world and I'm in love with her...

I wish I am one :) <3

Oh where did I get this? ...

We long for expression of love, but frequently, at the critical moment, we pull back. We are afraid of closeness, afraid of love, afraid of the very thing we so desperately desire. Why? Because we don't want to get hurt. -(Marshall Hodge)

Maybe Glad?

Although I do feel like I'm probably the most confused person on earth who is about to breakdown to tears, I am still holding on to my ego. I cannot embrace self pity. Not this time. Not anymore. I've had it knowing that I am weak. I am human. I cry at times, but I am strong. I have to believe that I am. No matter what is going to happen, it will happen for a reason. lols. And I have to go study. ~kiss kiss!

Cry by Kelly Clarkson

**note: I'm not a fan of Miss Clarkson, but this song just hit me in the chest this afternoon...

If anyone asks
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that i don't hear them talk
Whenever i see you, i'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend i'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet
Can i open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry, cry
If anyone asks
I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yet what do i care
If they believe me or not
Whenever i feel your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend i'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet
Can i open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it getsIs this what it feels like to really cry, cry
I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away?
Is it over yet
Can i open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry, cry, cry

This song is haunting me...

Strange and Beautiful (I'll put a spell on you) ~ Aqualung

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
unseen.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
Yeah...
Yeah...
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me, yeah...
Yeah...
Yeah...
Yeah...
Yeah...

<3 Lines I Love from Songs

Oooo but it's cold outside~

I drew a line for you, O what a thing to do...

When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the giving out id the hardest part

Kept my eye on the first one out

You can always say you did no major harm

I'mma do the things that I wanna do, I ain't got a thing to prove to you

no I can't forget tomorrow, when I think of all the sorrow, when I had you there but then I let you go

Don't you worry 'bout a thing

Everybody need a change

I know from the moment I woke up, it's gonna be a lonely, lonely, lonely day~


O Baby, you're too pure; You're too pure for this wicked world...

If I Fell by the Beatles

If I fell in love with you

Would you promise to be true

And help me understand

'cause I've been in love before

And I found that love was more

Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you

I must be sure

From the very start

That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you oh please

Don't run and hide

If I love you too oh please

Don't hurt my pride like her

'cause I couldn't stand the pain

And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I

Would love to love you

And that she will cry

When she learns we are two

'cause I couldn't stand the pain

And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I

Would love to love you

And that she will cry

When she learns we are two

If I fell in love with you

When You Say Nothing at All

How could anyone tell?
How would I know?

But sometimes the best things in life are perhaps, better left unspoken.
Unheard.
Unknown...

This would be yet another mystery to me
I hope the mark on its chest will make a significant meaning to the lives of those who should know the underlying meaning to it.

Time is just a melody <3

She Belongs to Me by Bob Dylan

She Belongs To Me
She's got everything she needs,
She's an artist, she don't look back.
She's got everything she needs,
She's an artist, she don't look back.
She can take the dark out of the night time
And paint the daytime black.
You will start out standing
Proud to steal her anything she sees.
You will start out standing
Proud to steal her anything she sees.
But you will wind up peeking through her keyhole
Down upon your knees.
She never stumbles,
She's got no place to fall.
She never stumbles,
She's got no place to fall.
She's nobody's child,
The Law can't touch her at all.
She wears an Egyptian ring
That sparkles before she speaks.
She wears an red Egyptian ring
That sparkles before she speaks.
She's a hypnotist collector,
You are a walking antique.
Bow down to her on Sunday,
Salute her when her birthday comes.
Bow down to her on Sunday,
Salute her when her birthday comes.
For Halloween give her a trumpet
And for Christmas, buy her a drum.

Memories~ (Mala jak...)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I was cleaning up my room... rearranging books and stuff... and I found my old diaries~ (mesti dibuang!) lol... and I found my old notebooks.. that my friends and I used to decorate and write silly stuff in it.. talking about boys, boyfriends, lyrics (lagu kenak translate to BM), silly magic animals (I was the pink horse, Thila was the blue ox, and Gwen was the purple butterfly with the magic poop! hahaha)... and Mai's luahan hati... and Anna's ayatul kursi (thank you, love... that was one valuable thing I found :D)... and the notebook Esther made for me (RED and BLACK) :) rock bah! hahah.. and I also found pictures in the notebooks... gamba Thila pakei egyptian robe... a group picture without me inside (cos I was the one taking the picture) where the girls kenak sabo oleh Nabs! hahaha! muka lain suma retarded, Nabs jak sik! hahahahah! bodo eh time ya... and I found a letter from Thila~ talking about how we were dumb for joining cheerleading! hahahaha! oh, btw, the letter was glued to an x-mas card.. ehehhe..I miss those days.. and I'm gonna be 22 soon.. :'( OH! so tua... after the clean up, I feel more organised~ :D what else is there to do? esok mok dusting some stuff and lap sunnies~ I did my VB! It is done! SUCCESS~ and now, I should abide to the every principles I made up to ensure I do things right this time 'round....
I'm listening to 'Never Gonna Give You Up' by Rick Astley...'Never gonna give you up... Never gonna let down.. Never gonna run around and desert you~'.....

Lotsa Love to ALL!
xx
nuTt*

Audrey Hepburn's Beauty Tips :D

• For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
• For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
• For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
• For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
• For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
• People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
• Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
• As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
• The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
• The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Originally by Sam Levenson
Posted October 1999

"Contrary to what some may think, Audrey Hepburn did not write this beautiful poem, Sam Levenson did. Levenson wrote "Time Tested Beauty Tips" for his grandchild, and it just so happened to be one of Audrey's favorite poems. She read it to her children on the very last Christmas Eve she spent with us here on Earth." (gotten from http://www.wowzone.com/audrey.htm)

Please Don't (*)

Imperfections? Defects? :P apa ka defects indah... :D

FUTURO~

Right now, I'm doing nothing much (yep, not studying like I should be)... and listening to WEEZER's "The Angel and the One"... not my favourite, but the beat is very mellow. Listening to this makes me think... I have a purpose in Life. I should have a Goal in life. All this while, I have a lot in my mind, with all the current issues in my life (current issues... mhhheeehee) I kind of forgotten about the things I thought about when I was younger. When nothing would bother my thoughts about what I want to become. There was only me. Me in my many thoughts. No problems, paranoia, nothing that was really hurtful that would distract me from thinking about what I want. I wanted to become successful. I wanted to become creative. I wanted to do millions of things that I can't even think about now.
I'm not blaming anyone on this mess. Lol. I just got distracted with mixed emotions. As of now, I've not been in much of sadness. Maybe just loneliness since i'm living with the house's helpers... and no one else, except maybe uncle Reno who's only around sometimes. I meet up with friends in school. I vowed to myself not to hangout too much. And I'd be trying hard to convince myself that it'd be fun to attend all of the lectures and tutorials, and NEVER MISSING ANY OF 'EM. I want to succeed. I want to do VERY WELL. I want to do my BEST like I've never done it before. I can do it. I know that I can. If other people could do it then why can't I? :)
As a start, I've been focussing on the stuff that I love doing. Yesterday, I bought myself a headphone+mic (guess what I've been doing with that).. like I said I went to classes, and I found that when I really learn to understand the stuff they teach in class, it was actually interesting.. hehe.. (terrible... before this, I'd be all sleepy)... well I hope that this behavior of mine would last my whole life. I love being like this! :D
Still, thinking about all these at this age, I don't know where I'm going.. the direction I'm taking... I mean how can I know where I'm going when I don't know where I want to be? I need help. HELP. Yes, anyone who are reading this.. Nadia Suib needs your HELP.

Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)

by Bob Dylan



You say you love me
And you're thinkin' of me,
But you know you could be wrong.
You say you told me
That you wanna hold me,
But you know you're not that strong.
I just can't do what I done before,
I just can't beg you any more.
I'm gonna let you passAnd I'll go last.
Then time will tell just who fell
And who's been left behind,
When you go your way and I go mine.
You say you disturb me
And you don't deserve me,
But you know sometimes you lie.
You say you're shakin'
And you're always achin',
But you know how hard you try.
Sometimes it gets so hard to care,
It can't be this way ev'rywhere.
And I'm gonna let you pass,
Yes, and I'll go last.
Then time will tell just who fell
And who's been left behind,
When you go your way and I go mine.
The judge, he holds a grudge,
He's gonna call on you.
But he's badly built
And he walks on stilts,
Watch out he don't fall on you.
You say you're sorry
For tellin' stories
That you know I believe are true.
You say ya got some
Other kinda lover
And yes, I believe you do.
You say my kisses are not like his,
But this time I'm not gonna tell you why that is.
I'm just gonna let you pass,
Yes, and I'll go last.
Then time will tell who fell
And who's been left behind,
When you go your way and I go mine.

Whadya Think?

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Do You Think It is Put to Waste?

I have this feeling. It is a very strong feeling.. and it's hurting me. NO. I am definitely having that emo lovey dovey feeling. I feel as though I kesian some people. I hate that feeling. Nobody deserves to be kesian at k? Everybody's equal ba. I believe so. Nobody's too short, too tall (oh, even if I always use that on myself), too weird (come on la, everyone's weird) .. *the list just goes on..* I hate to PITY on people, k? Seriously. I'd rather just love everything and not feel bad and sorry about anyone. I don't know why. I just feel this way.

Moon River

by Audrey Hepburn



Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend, my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.


**I'm in Love. I love this song. (faints)

the Little Vegetable Boy

This is the second time I met him. This time too, he asked me if I had water that he could drink. The first time, I did not have any drinks with me. My brother who was with me then, did, but not I.
I met him again tonight. Before, it was not as late as now. Before it was still daytime. Tonight he was there at about half an hour ago, that's about 10.30pm. A child. He's barely Isaac's age (Isaac's 14 this year),.. he's probably around 12 years old, or maybe younger. Just when I was about to enter the convenient store, he asked me if I wanted to buy vegies. Who the hell buys vegie at this hour? Where is his mom? His dad? Both of them? Guardians? Those very irresponsible adults! I know that I would not have much say in this. I barely know him. In fact I don't know him at all. BUT!~ He's just a child. Why would any parents want to let their kid wonder around any places at all at this time.
I answered his question, I said, "Sorry, sikmok," (I'm sorry, I don't), and he asked me if I had any drinks. I told him that I'll go get one for him in awhile. So I did. I got him a can of Milo. Wouldn't you do the same if you see a child doing so? I hate the fact that he seemed as though he is begging like a beggar, although he is not, and I hate it even more when I handed him the drink and told him to go home, he said, "Kamek mesti juak abis sayor tok lok," (I have to sell all the vegetables first). WHY? It's late? Where are your parent? I wanted to ask him that, but I didn't. I can understand if he sells the vegies on daytime, but NOW? At this HOUR? What the ....? This issue needs to be seen eh. It's not healthy for children to WORK at this HOUR! I'm so geram.

21 Photos Taken When I was Thinking of You

I took 21 photos of myself while I was thinking of you. A few were taken at about the same time. Some were taken other times. There were pictures of me smiling, indicating the times you made me happy. There were pictures of me vain, when you made me feel confident. There were photos of me in an emotional state, when you were not around, I almost thought you have forgotten me. There were some of me looking fierce, because I was trying to show you that I am angry at you.
Seriously, do you think that I really do these kind of things?

My FAVOURITE Shop :D

LIKE TOTALLY!

Green Gallery is situated somewhere in BDC and it sells... oh so many things,... from cactii, furnitures, bags, accessories, adorably fancy gifts and wrappers... antiques, garden stuff and....... what else ah?

LOL

That was a short detail of my FAVOURITE Shop :D

A Tale About Sudden Thoughts

This morning, I woke up a bit early. About 6 am. God I love waking up early. It kinda makes me feel human. Right after performing the morning prayer, I had breakfast (tuna in olive oil with egg and bread, and cup of coffee), and then straight to my laptop, nengok Facebook yang teramat rindu...
While I was wondering around in FB, a friend popped out of the FBChat (pop la nak? it sounded so). He was all so jiwang, talking about how he's missing Kuching and all his friends here. I was like... WHERE ARE YOU?? Paduhal kat NZ. He's been diving and by the way he's been expaining it, I think he's becoming like a nelayan (fisherman) I'm not sure la.. that's what I thought. lol. So he's been diving for fish and sea creatures that are edible (seafood la kan) in the waters of.... I'm not quite sure where in New Zealand, but he did say that it was 1 and a half hours from Auckland, macam bunyi dah working jak. So I asked him if he had caught tunas blom, and he was like... TUNA SITOK BESAR AGIK.... ikan tongkol sia besar gik (and why did I have to repeat that agik ka? because I just wanted to remind people that tuna=ikan tongkol kali :P) !!!!! And he made me lapar all over again... lol. He started telling me that if I purchase canned tuna, I have to make sure that the tuna has yellow fin and NEVER get the blue-finned ones.. (or was it the other way round...erk). Whatever it is, the ones that should never be bought is the one that was dead before the fisherman caught it (I guess that means that it's something like a carcass? ewwww...) and it wouldn't be halal, meaning it'd be all unhealthy if we consume it.. and he even told me that he caught oysters (or was it clams) and made olio for himself..lol
At about 11.40 am, I was already at my own place (because I'm staying with my grandma), after having a nice shower, I collapsed onto my bed with a mighty migraine...
The day was so bright, that I decided to put on the facial mask I bought 2 days ago, and shut my eyes for awhile... then, I suddenly thought about the carcass... org jual ikan pun dah mati ba. You can't cook fishes while they are still flapping around, choking (yerr... tetauk jak) for water.. bimbo li statement ya~ yeah, and then I was thinking.. you know when we go out to seafood restaurants, most of the time we get to choose live crabs, or lobsters, or prawns, and even fishes for the chef too cook our FRESH seafood dinner. Does that mean that the crabs, lobsters, prawns and fishes that died a few hours before is not fresh anymore? hmm??? Because if it is so, one day if I ever want to cook fresh seafood, do I'd have to dip the sea creatures into boiling water while they're still moving and flapping..ishhh..... I love to eat you... but I can't bear that sympathetic feeling... and if I don't boil the creatures in the boiling hot water, that would mean that I'd have to bonk the body with that hammer looking cooking utensil with sharp pointy ends on it.... saddistic... *picturing myself hammering on dozens of tiger prawns that are moving about in the kitchen sink*.... gelik... All I can do now is to just hope that my future husband will be good at cooking fresh seafood meals. I'll just stick to the all-easy-less-stressful and conventional way of cooking seafood. I feel horrible.

It starts with an Ass and it ends with a WHY??

Have you figured out the title of this post yet? Ass? WHY??
Okay here's the clue... say it out loud and probably you'll get the idea, and if you don't... I'll try and explain to you the meaning right now.
I'm trying to describe my definition of the word SORRY, actually (it starts with an "S" and it ends with a"Y"). Every apologies usually start with and Ass=orang yang tidak berguna (or so most of us would perceive it) and it'll end up with many of us wondering WHY do we or anyone, from the other party, apologise. WHY?
Sometimes I'd start questioning myslf, if I feel sorry or guilty about something.. WHY do I feel that way? Why do I even care? Why is it so hard to say it? :P (always the case) ... and WHY do I need to find the words to get everything right BEFORE and AFTER saying it? WHY is it so HARD? lol.

<3 Happy! HAPPY!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYONE! I LOVEEEEEEEEE (Munee... I told you Imma go like this these days! But I didn't go SMS anyone yet this time.. LOL).. LOVE LOVE~ I love my family... friends... teachers... lecturers... neighbors... the people who hates me... and even those people that i don't know! hahahahhaha! :D I'm so glad that everyone seem so HAPPY!!!! I'm havin' all the jitters now..... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Why am I so excited? :D
I sayang... Sayang... SAYANG YOU! :D heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... *all-psyched*

POP! goes my heart...

I've been living with a shadow overhead,

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,

I've been lonely for so long, Trapped in the past,

I just can't seem to move on!

(Hugh Grant)I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,

Just in case I ever need them again someday,

I've been setting aside time,

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

[Chorus](Both)All I wanna do is find a way back into love.

I can't make it through without a way back into love.

Ooo hooow

[Verse 2](Drew Barrymore)I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs,

I know that it's out there,

There's got to be something from my soul somewhere!

(Hugh Grant)I've been looking for someone to shed some light,

Not somebody just to get me through the night,

I could use some direction,

And I'm open to your suggestions.

[Chorus](Both)All I wanna do is find a way back into love.

I can't make it through without a way back into love.

And if I open my heart again,

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!

[Middle-eight](Drew Barrymore)There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

[Chorus](Both)All I wanna do is find a way back into love,

I can't make it through without a way back into love,

And if I open my heart to you,

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,

And if you help me to start again,

You know that I'll be there for you in the end!

As I was half-crying, on the Phone with Mai... my damped eyes caught...

Three of my favourite musicians played music together?? <3

*sniffs* and...

...now I wish you didn't have to go. I'm going to miss you... :'(

Ternyata

by Estrella

Ku lihat dia
Pandangan pertama
Ternyata indah
Senyuman liriknya
Ku ingin dia
Saat pertama
Berjumpa dengannya
Membuat ku gelisah
Waktu berlalu
Hari demi hari
Hatiku dambakannya
Untuk bercinta lagi
Ku lihat dia
Pandangan pertama
Berjumpa dengannya
Membuat ku gelisah
Waktu berlalu
Hari demi hari
Hatiku dambakannya
Untuk bercinta lagi

** I've been looking for this song, and I was surprised it was sung by Estrella. lol. I'm no big fan of theirs (I'm so sick of theri song, Stay, not that I hate it or anything, but every one anywhere has been singing or playing it... lejuk bah!), but for the sake of this song yes. Thank you for helping me reach the inner me HAHAHAHA! so deep..

Why? (2008-2009)

Why did I listen?
Just so you know that I care
And I'll always be there
And you know that it's fair
'cause you'll never fail to be there

Why did I say?
'cause there are truth in it, I'm sure
Maybe sometimes there are no other cure
And other times I need them to hear
And in me there are/were also fear

Why did I stop?
Maybe I couldn't help it
Maybe I didn't mean it
Sometimes it makes me hypocrite
There is no use denying it

Why did I dare?
You are apart of my life
And I love, I can't lie
I told you that, I didn't deny
And I know -- it won't just die

Why did I stop?
Certain things have to happen
Every thing were omens
Making ways, it made me different
But changes froze me, so things could happen

Why did I lie?
Pretense is the word we shall use
We are merely huma, and we abuse
The human thoughts, just to be amused
But come along now, see here, look at me as I lose

Why not the truth?
You don't believe in it, then why should I?
Without the truth, we won't die
So there are times that we each would pry
Come on, together now, what are you waiting for, let us lie, Lie, LIE!

Why me?
Because you choose to believe so
Close your eyes and imagine more
It was really hard to learn this though
I wish it'd happenned earlier, probably just before

Why you?
I guess I opt to believe so
I might be wrong, but there'd be nothing to score
There is no losing, no winning you know
I wish it didn't occur, I could've just stored

Why didn't you?
Well, I wouldn't know
'Cause you'll never show
It might be too late, so come on, let's bow
And leave it here, live it for now

Why didn't I?
I'm afraid, I do fear
One wrong step, you'll disappear
My friend, I do too have fears
I am human too, remember, dear..


PS: Just thought I should remind you, we're merely human, and we shall never be free from making mistakes. And apologies to whom who still think I've been trying to hurt them. Maybe I did, maybe it was not purposely done. I'm sorry anyway, I do. And I never take anything seriously, I was never badly injured through any rough times I have been through. <3 and peace.

Patience of a Reserved Lady

She wakes up early to present the day
Of one, two, three and more altogether
She'll cook, clean, iron and then she sprays
Whine and grunts, she will never bother

She'll do the washing, the calculating
She organises, she will prepare
Not a day without her caring
Everything else will be just and fair

She'll dust the cabinet
She'll drive the car
She plays the clarinet
And she goes far

Nevertheless, this is her life
Reward her with a tenderness
She is a daughter, as she is wife
She is your mother, the lady of AWESOMENESS!

As time goes by, millions of seconds
Or mabe minutes, hours or days
She'll cherish love towards her husband,
Her children, parents, friends and prays:

"So this is the life You have bestowed me
A humble servant, accepting thee
I thank you God, your gift to me
For I shall love them endlessly..."

Talking in Whispers

Secrets you call it
Not a word to anyone else
Just a whisper as we meet
Of the Things we know we did

Shut their eyes without them knowing
Distant kisses that we're constantly blowing
Hush now, slowly the glory we're feeling
Hush now, secrets we're never telling

Let us pretend though nothing happenned
Let us believe that it's concrete wall
It's not as though that we do this often
I'll meet you there -- in the empty hall

Shut their eyes without them knowing
Distant kisses that we're constantly blowing
Hush now, slowly the glory we're feeling
Hush now, secrets we're never telling

Let us pretend, then the world is ours
That nothing here, ever has to matter
Colourful dancers, butterflies in our minds
As we awake they will all be gone...

Lagu Cinta

by Dewa

Aku jatuh cinta,
'tuk sekian kali
Baru kali ini kurasakan
Cinta sesungguhnya
Tak seperti dulu
Kali ini ada pengorbanan
Chorus: Cinta bukan sekedar kata-kata indah
Cinta bukan sekedar buaian belaian peraduan
Samudera cinta dari pulung hati
Tak terukur dalamnya
Hingga saat perpisahan tiba
Mengundang air mata
Atau hanya secuil penyesalan
Chorus: Cinta adalah ruang dan waktu
Datang dan menghilang
Semua karunia
Sang Pencipta
Mungkinkah kau sedang menatap bulan
Bulan sabit yang sedang kupandangi
Mungkinkah kamu menangis
Diatas bintang khayalku
Chorus: Maafkanlah cinta
Atas kabut jiwa
Yang menutupi pandangan kalbu
Chorus: Cinta adalah ruang dan waktu
Datang dan menghilang
Semua karunia
Sang Pencipta

** the first thing that caught me while was watching this video was when the guy suddenly faints at the beginning... lol it's funny... but yeah, sad at the same time, kan? But this song somehow reflects the another different perspective of love la kan? adow.. very deep..

My Valentine's Day

Yesterday... I spent my Valentine's Day cooking. I made lasagne and truffles for the whole family, of course with some help from Ben, Nabeil, Isaac and Adeen.... *coughs* and of course I put aside some for my date, Sin, and I honestly hope that he liked it...and he told me that he was so kenyang after the lasagne and the satays he bought that night.. lol <3 and yea.. he got me something too :D
Later that night, after dinner at Bing's, we headed to Effa's birthday party at her home... Happy Birthday BABY! :) and her baby niece is ADORABLE! I plan to fix her to be one of Zachary's future playmates one day. haha! and she had so many people there.. we met up with Gwen and Izzurul .. I kinda miss my friends la! and Effa's cake was... scrumptious! lapar eh.. and then the four of us planned to go lepak somewhere... but IZZURUL! why did you ditch us??? So, I went off with Sin and Gwen... to Bing. And boy, was Bing full... so we decided to drive to airport's Starbucks... and me and Sin had Raspberry *sumthing* juice... while Gwen had Hazelnut Hot Chocolate... heheh.. just because her name is Hazel. lololol... and the two of us started taking picturess..of ourselves.. macam la sikda kerja lain! :D
We sent Gwen back.. and Sin sent me back home. He's such an adorable date :D and I hope that I was not over-dressed for the date lastnight.. I was afraid I was ... because I had so much to do yesterday, I lost track of time.. and then I think I stenched of onions, garlic and cheese.. :(
I enjoyed the night, and I hope that Sin did too.. and Gwen too of course.. :D I love Vday!

Happy Valentine's Day <3

<3 Happy Valentine's Day! <3

This year, I vow that I will Love more and think positive all through... at least I'll try, but I have a feeling that it won't be that hard la right? :D

LOVE LOVE LOVE

huhhh... I'm so tired.. goodnight!

Hidup Ini Indah

by Dewa <youtube video>
matahari menyinari seisi bumi
seperti Engkau
menyinari perih dalam jasadku ini selamanya
seperti hujan
Kau basahi jiwa yang kering

reff: hidup ini indah bila aku selalu
ada di sisi
Mu setiap waktu
hingga aku hembuskan nafas yang terakhir
dan kita pun bertemu

Kau bagai udara yang ku hirup
di setiap masa
Engkaulah darah
yang mengalir dalam nadiku
repeat reff
maafkanlah selalu salahku
karena Kau memang pemaaf
dan aku hanya manusia

repeat reff
hanya Kau dan aku
dalam awal dan akhir

Those That I Miss!

I miss these Cuckoos~ Yesterday Azie suddenly came to me on MSN and started saying that she misses me...!!! emo tau~ KISS KISS KISS KISS for all of you! and AZAM HONEY... HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY BABE~ jaga anak ya Jess <3 I love y'all!

P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care)

by John Legend <click here for video>
Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.
You know I love you when you're loving me
Sometimes it's better when it's publicly
I'm not ashamed, I don't care who sees
Us hugging & kissing our love exhibition all
We'll rendezvous out on the fire escape
I'd like to set off an alarm today
The love emergency don't make me wait
Just follow I'll lead you
I urgently need you
Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care
We just don't care
We just don't
Let's make love, let's go somewhere they might discover us
Let's get lost in lust
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.
I see you closing down the restaurant
Let's sneak and do it when your boss is gone
Everybody's leaving we'll have some fun
Or maybe it's wrong but you're turning me on.
Ooh, we'll take a visit to your Mama's house
Creep to the bedroom while your Mama's out
Maybe she'll hear it when we scream and shout
And we'll keep it rocking until she comes knocking
Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...
Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us.
Let's get lost in lust
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.
If we keep up on this fooling around
We'll be the talk of the town
I'll tell the world I'm in love any time
Let's open up the blinds 'cause we really don't mind
Ooh I don't care about the propriety
Let's break the rules and ignore society
Maybe our neighbors like to spy, it's true
So what if they watch when we do what we do
Oh, let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...
Let's make love, let's go somewhere they might discover us...

C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E

CONFIDENCE is the one thing that I am lacking. I'm always scared of doing some things, thus I'd hold back. No matter personal or non-personally, I would choose to backdown and not go on with things, because I am scared that if I proceed on, all my attempts won't be fruitful as I had imagined = disappontments, frustrations and such..
I may not be the only one thinking this way. After many downfalls, I realised that I've not been doing much to get to where I want, thus the failures. Failing is not because of not holding that victory/success. Failing is NOT TRYING. I just realised that.
And another thing I realised is that you might also need someone there who believes in your capabilities on what you CAN do, like you've never known you could. TRY HARDER. You might just get somewhere, without even noticing it. Be Strong, and if you believe that it might work out, it'll always will. Put your whole heart to it, and if you really want it, like SUPER-DUPERLY want it like BAD, that will somehow become an influence to get you to enhance your willing to work harder on it. BENAR!
Oh, but right now, I'm all talk and no action. LoL. I'm still in the process of trying to do something that I REALLY REALLY (tambah another REALLY here because 3 is a MAGIC NUMBER..lol~ Blind Melon) want to do, fighting for something I am very sure I deserve, and hopefully, with God's will, I will achieve success <3

And whatever it is that you want to do, remember to NEVER do things WITHOUT any good intentions, because.. OH COME ON~ I don't want to start with another cliche! You know what I'm trying to say here~!

Desperation

This constant desperation is leading me to the utmost of pressure. It's killing me slowly (oh that clearly means that I'm feeling the pain as though something is biting every inch of my flesh slowly) and never have I been this way before. NO, it's not because of some lame Love thingy. It is something more valuable than that. It's like pride. Ego. Most importantly, My Ego. I have been thinking lately, rather than going through a very bad situation cooly, without having to do anything about it... I should take action over the mess I have caused. True? Ultimately!!
So there, I know that I'm speaking in riddles, but really.. I'd hate to bring up this huge problem to the surface. It might burst and probably eat me alive... after that, it might possibly be eating others too! ~ that bad huh? YEP!
And so, I'm still babbling here when actually I am supposed to finish this crap I'm handling and live at peace. One at a time, or nothing at all. I'll try not to lose this time, because it sucks to become the loser all the time.
O yea, Happy Chinese New Year to all my friends celebrating the festivity~ May this year brings many luck to everyone and demolish all the fake hopes so that people can move on with their respective lives already! :P

You can do it! :D

Accepting Reality

(based on Managing Yourself, Grolier Business Library)

~being realistic is the most important thing in managing yourself, because even if you are motivated, you are only able to do it in a particular way or standard. By doing this, you should try to work out what the standard, and it would be unwise to keep on asking yourself tough questions, instead ask yourself:

• is doing it this way appropriate?
• does it have to be perfect?
• do I have to cope with this alone?
• do I have to finish this by tomorrow?

By then you can already set up your standards, and try to relax them to a reasonable point when possible.

1. Realistic Hurrying
2. Realistic Perfectionism
3. Realistic Pleasing
4. Realistic Trying
5. Realistic Coping

2009~ So Far...

hmmm... All I could say is that I'm still trying to decide whether to do this or that. Days have been moderate... sometimes there'd be rain... sometimes the sun would shine ever so brightly... it's making me indecisive these everchanging weathers. I've had my fun times with friends. I've had falls. But it's better to forget rather than to make it look worst innit? I'm so tired of screwing myself up. One thing at a time I guess. But how long would it take to fix these? Let's see if time and a lot thinking could help. :P
Today in my agenda includes: a lot of writing activities, other activities would require the outflow of money... and something physical probably *winks* hahahah! kenjar lok bunyi. oh I guess I better go find some food to makan for now.. :D
~ something happened... but I'm still caught in thoughts. erk. shite.

New Year Resolutions 2009!

ok ok.. update update..! lambat cerita this year...bagus I just type down all these that I need to do this year...

In 2009, I must:
1) cut down on my 'fun' hours
2) add on more 'studying' hours
3) go back to the old 'well-organised' me
4) workout at leat twice a week, at least an hour per day
5) save enough cash for me to go travelling the next holiday~
6) wake up from this very long sleep i've been in.... stop dreaming, and start living... I'm gona hit my 22nd year for goodness sake!
7) start looking for jobs
8) find my passion
9) learn to sew
10) stop delaying and procrastinating

ie.: Udah gik dreaming... and get serious,try to find the old you that you love so much and stop being scared and stop trying to please other people so much. Love is something you feel for yourself and others especially, but what others choose to be is not part of your responsibilty, but you must be there for them when they need you...just don't be a stupid idiot when it comes to all these sensitivity thingies. Stop bringing yourself down and stop being guilty about stuff. Confidence will be part of the key for a better future,... BUT!...let's do it with good intentions.. <3

My Heart is Beating...

...and sweats are pouring,
a rush I'm feeling,
a constant breathing...

when is the 13th of January? the anticipation is killing me.. help me God! I promise that I'll be a better person from now onwards. I'll try harder this time,... I promise :(

I am A Hopeless X-Mas Romantic!

For X-Mas,.. I really, really want... :

1. to watch Love Actually 5 times.... (mena aie..) ~ this is due to the haunting happy X-Mas songs I've been listening to... and lagu the Beatles ya... -.-
2. to go to Singapore... (I really really want to go... :( ... plus.. Torey Jenson from Pamela Wallace's Love with a Perfect Stranger ya...!!! ~encouraging me to go travel ... and.... :P )
3. to be with my besties... especially Nabs la somehow,... and AZIE! I wish suma org boleh pegi Singapore.. aie.. pahal la I really want to go hooo...
4. my little angit lepreechawns to buy me the books! ~ ingat adik2 ku yang bau,k?
5. to call or maybe just text la.. LOL (budget) all my besties on the eve (Munee, KK, DD, Mai, Thila, Zsa, Anna, Gwen, Elaine,Ezra.... (aku sik suka la nak list down tok... mun ada tertinggal nama ya... sorry babes!) all the jiwang dorky texts I'd definitely send... hehehe..
6. to HAVE FUN GILA PSYCHO FREAK! :D
7. to buy something for Ben's birthday... definitely...
8. to start thinking of New Year Resolutions..
9. to have an adventure I've never had.. heeheeheehee..
10. ok.. ok.. ada gik tok.. but I malas want to type..

~ I cannot be left with classic love songs and movies! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!! I'm so tamak...

Selimut Hati (by Dewa 19)

Aku kan menjadi malam-malammu..Kan menjadi mimpi-mimpimu
Dan selimuti hatimu..yang beku..
Aku kan menjadi bintang-bintangmu..Kan slalu menyinarimu..
Dan menghapus rasa rindumu..yang pilu..
Reff: Aku bisa untuk menjadi.. apa yang kau minta..
Untuk menjadi apa yang kau impikan
Tapi ku tak bisa menjadi dirinya.
Aku kan menjadi embun pagimu..yang kan menyejukkan jiwamu..
Dan kan membasuh hatimu..yang layu
Back to Reff.
Tinggalkan sejenak lalumu..beri s'dikit waktu..
Kepadaku..tuk meyakinkanmu...

**huhhhh..... in love ehh.... :P~

A Merry Aidil Adha to All!

Tonight, I am on my bed typing all this on.. hehe.. Tiba2 rasa happy.. apahal ka? :) I saw pictures of my friend's (Anna) and she seemed as though she's been smiling a lot! Happy dow~~~ Thus, I made a conclusion that smiling is contagious.. :D I spotted that many of my friends are full of smiles now.. and it makes me feel like I'm in a very wonderful world! Aie.. I know I'm jiwang... but best bah.. just lastnight, I was worried because I felt very emotionless... I called up a friend, and made my friend annoyed because I couldn't be emo.. hahahah! Even lagu Dewa didn't help me at all! :P But now, Anna's smiling pictures and all the happy smiles of people surrounding me contributed to all my happy thoughts... Memang sewel... :P~ Oh... :D muahhh~

Appreciation....Depreciation..

Have you ever realised that life is actually VERY beautiful? Undeniably, it is.. and most of the time people like me just don't know how to appreciate it. Terok right?
Everyday when I wake up, I'd have people who loves me surrounding me.. like my Grandma, Z, my other brothers.. my Mom.. some mornings I'd receive like texts from my besties... telling me that they love me.. best ba idup tok..but why do I still feel empty?
It's not like I'm in love or something. I'm over that! It's not like any of my problems are bigger than taik idong.. it's really not! Am I just feeling too hyper that it's taking me to that level where it actually gets me super slowww... haha! sakit this feeling dow!
Maybe I'm just running out of things to do. Or maybe I'm tired of planning, knowing most of my plans would musnah in the end.. heheh.. dramatic~ I give up very easily dah now, or memang I cepat give up.. belom apa2, plan pun sik btol, dah give up.. ok.. I think I'm like that... eheheh...
Or maybe I'm just scared to do something that I've been longing to do, because... because why? Because I malas nak hoping that it'd end up being the way it was planned? huhh.. pahal ku tok?
Eeeee... gai eh... nang boring la... hahaha... ju lah! suggest to me stuff that I can do to get over this psychotic feeling... hehehe

I forgot what I wanted to type about!

I was out this evening, playing futsal with my friends... when we were on our way back.. we were talking about something.. and I told them that I was gona write about it.. but what was it? neways... kakak did say something about being emo...apa owww???lapar eh tiba2..